Well,
it’s a war out there & a bloody one at that. All our efforts to find a
lasting resolution have not succeeded till now & I think we should listen
to Sun Tzu. Of course, he is Chinese but his doctrine is the only Chinese product
of lasting quality. The following two of his dictum definitely make sense in
the case of Kashmir:
- There is no instance of a country having benefited from a prolonged warfare. (Ch. II – Waging War)
- The skillful leader subdues the enemy's troops without any fighting; he captures their cities without laying siege to them; he overthrows their kingdom without lengthy operations in the field. (Ch. III – Attack by Stratagem)
I
suggest a three phase strategy to win Kashmir once & for all without
shedding any blood along with measures to achieve these objectives. The three
phases are:
- Neutralize the leaders & the militants
- Divert the energy of the youth
- Consolidate the wins
Neutralisation:
The
first step should be sending Arvind Kejriwal to the scene. He is the miracleman
who got practically the entire city state, where no two motorists agree with
each other, to vote for him. He also has the audacity to take on anyone, he has
spared very few politicians or businessmen. Send him to the valley & he
will raise enough muck to defile the heroes of terror. He can push those gun
wielding kids into a credibility crisis that no amount of social media heroics
can see them through. AK is adept at Twitter warfare too, which is a big help. All
he needs is loads of cough syrup to endure the Kashmiri winter.
He
has a dossier on everyone plus he knows the law. Put Dr. Subramanian Swamy
alongside AK & the two will tango like no one else before. The separatist leaders
would be too entangled in the legal maze to be of use to their Paki handlers.
Once they are deprived the easy money, this secessionism business will no
longer make sense for them. But knowing Dr. Swamy, the established political
leaders too run the risk of becoming victims. But we already have AK to fill
any political vacuum.
Diversion:
Why
did no one think of this before? The valley should be flooded with cheap
Gutkha, for the youngsters there need a past time better than picking up a gun.
Gutkha has multiple uses. With Gutkha in their mouths, there will be no one
shouting slogans in the rallies, thus demoralizing the leaders. Imagine you
are firing back at the army or fleeing an army ambush & you get this urge
to have a gutkha. You just can’t do both at the same time. The urge for gutkha
is strong enough to make them put down their guns, hopefully forever. Even the
more peaceful ones who only stone pelt the cops, would stop once they near a
gutkha shop. Gutkha is surely the messenger of peace that needs to be sent to
the valley. Moreover, the ladies who have been providing them a cover will be
too disgusted by the gutkha stains all over the place to sympathise with the rebellious
ones. Which would wipe out (or should it be, gutkha smear?) almost 50% of support base. I agree that
Gutkha is injurious to health, but far less than guns & bombs.
As
an atheist I don’t believe in god. But if there has to be one, it can be no
other than Rajinikanth. Why are we holding him back? The government should make
Rajini movies tax free in the valley (all over the country too, if you ask me)
& make them compulsory viewing at schools. The only people Kashmiris can
look upon as heroes today are those that take the gun. Show them a Rajini
starrer, and they will realize that Burhan Vanis of the world are only comic
strip class. Rajini posters would replace azaadi banners. Maybe the Kashmiri youth
will be inspired enough to take on the baddies of this world, beginning from
their neighbourhood. So, why not begin with Kabali? AK is sure to tweet a very
favourable review.
Consolidation:
Poonam
Pandey always makes a promise to Team India if it wins the World Cup, but the
men in blue never do. We should ask Ms. Pandey to make a similar promise to the
militants who surrender. Will this work? Well, these young guys are ready to
surrender their lives for a promise of 72 virgins, where no further details (of
the virgins) are provided. So I think they will definitely put down their arms
for a Poonam Pandey show (there’s no pun here, pls). And the selfies of these
surrendered militants with Ms. Pandey should inspire the others to do so too.
After all, no one has yet seen those 72 virgins. 
Once
brought back into the fold, we need to reform & prepare the former militants
for a normal life. They will need plenty of peace & dollops of spiritualism
to undo the hard work put in by our western neighbours. Who better than Ravi Shankar
with his Art of Living course? He may be too busy managing his global empire &
would not be comfortable in sending his lieutenants to a war zone. But
remember, we will have AK on the field who will be all too willing to do all
the groundwork for a spiritual show by our godman for all seasons. And I am
sure, like all godmen of his stature even Ravi Shankar will have enough
influence in the Paki establishment for his shows to be disturbed by fireworks.
On
the face of it, the above looks very doable, the only flaw being necessity of
having Arvind Kejriwal on the field. He is too busy now governing Delhi & confronting
Modi. But with his wife joining AAP, maybe AK will be able to spare some time
for Kashmir. Or will have to wait till elections in Punjab & Goa are over.
Pics
courtesy:
Arvind
Kejriwal: http://www.firstpost.com/politics/arvind-kejriwal-takes-charge-as-delhi-cm-at-historical-swearing-in-ceremony-1311317.html
Dr.
Subramanian Swamy: http://www.hindustantimes.com/india/tipu-sultan-had-no-qualities-worth-celebrating-subramanian-swamy/story-DpE7IberY2i9lzYiZ9PaCP.html
Rajinikanth:
http://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/regional/rajinikanths-kabali-audio-launched-2848612/
Poonam
Pandey: http://www.indiatvnews.com/entertainment/masala/poonam-pandey-top-10-controversies-1716.html
