Showing posts with label Uddhav Thackeray. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Uddhav Thackeray. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

How to Make Enemies & Annoy People

Modi spent the 1st half of his tenure traveling all over the world & making friends with the global leaders. And he was quite successful too, except in the neighbourhood. But by withdrawing the Rs. 500 & Rs. 1000 currency notes, he has, in one stroke, frittered away the goodwill that he had earned within. Not that he cares, but here’s what the mighty & the influential are feeling today:

Bollywood: One would have thought the film industry would have been happy
to see these long queues. So what if these were at Banks & ATMs & not for some 1st day 1st show of a Bollywood blockbuster. But the Bollywood moguls are really worried & it is about the donation to Army Welfare Fund. Yes, the fund can be transferred electronically, but they are actually bothered with the processing fees (you know the type!) that needs to be paid for getting the film released. I think they will now move to the Sooraj Barjatiya formula – a song-studded, shot-in-studio, wedding video. Or maybe turn into theme wedding organisers for the likes of Reddy brothers of Bellary.

Rahul Gandhi: For the last many months he has been traversing the hinterland, on bikes, jeeps & choppers. He ate with the villagers & slept in their huts. This was one opportunity to mix with people he could not miss, without getting out in the heat & dust of the countryside. He stood in the queue with them, but they were busy enquiring about the open ATMs in their area. He addressed them, but the queue kept moving forward as the notes were exchanged. He was even willing to bring in cots for them, but they were in a hurry to move to the next Bank. All he got was Rs. 4000 worth of 100 rupee notes.

Mamata Bannerjee: Street battle by street battle, she fought & won against the red army till she conquered West Bengal. And having consolidated her position, she was looking at a larger role for herself at a national level. And then Modi comes up with this one. How is she going to pay her foot soldiers now? But you don’t mess with Didi without incurring her wrath. This royal Bengal tigress is now marching to Delhi. This will be more interesting than Delhi Safari!

Uddhav Thackeray: With Dawood holed up in Pakistan & friendly governments in Delhi & Maharashtra, he was now the undisputed king of Mumbai. But things are getting from bad to worse. First, the Supreme Court started meddling in the heights of human pyramids during janmashtami. Next, the state government handed over Bollywood to kid brother Raj. And now, Modi has hit where it hurts most. All that a law abiding politician can do now is smuggling & drug peddling. Well, he has now decided to join Mamata’s march to Delhi; Durga Pooja pandals can be big business too.

Raj Thackeray: Good friend Fadnavis had brokered a deal & opened up another foolproof revenue stream. Considering the size of Bollywood & the common man’s appetite for the masala it churns out, Raj Thackeray was just beginning to build up a war chest for the next BMC elections. It is now back to extorting toll booths, but even these are closed for the time being. But it’s not so bad as Uddhav is in the same mess too. Or may be a bigger one; isn’t he marching along with Mamata?

Shivraj Singh Chouhan: First he was upstaged as a high performing CM. Next, his squeaky clean image was tarnished with Vyapam. And now this demonetization. He is annoyed with this step motherly treatment to Madhya Pradesh when even those no hopers of West Bengal were allowed enough time to deposit their cash with the bank. Having already given up his aspirations to be the PM, he is now left hoping he stays along as the CM next time round too.

Mayawati: With the uncle squabbling with the nephew, daughters in law engaged in not letting the other get a foothold in state politics & Netaji content playing the Bhishma Pitamah of left-of-centre politics, she was again relishing the opportunity to be CM of the largest state again. She had geared up to complete the unfinished tasks from her previous tenure, what with all those towns still without any of her statues. But trust her to fight the upper caste as it tries to trample the Dalit’s rise in social hierarchy.


Vijay Mallaya: This one’s not annoyed. He got away in time. And with banks mopping away cash from the system, the Kingfisher Villa appears to be safe for now. And yes, he remains the King of good times & bad. Cheers!!





Pics courtesy:

Friday, April 1, 2016

What they said, when India lost


Amir Khan: This is the result of a growing intolerance in the society. When we were filming Lagaan, Gracy was upset with the way the match was progressing & wanted to leave the sets. But I watched the whole match live on tv yesterday. We have to set things right. We should make Lagaan-2.



Arnab Goswamy: The nation wants to know, why the team lost in the semis. Today, in this most watched show, I, Arnab Goswamy, will ask our PM what he is doing in Brussels when India was playing this all important semi final on homeground. The nation wants to know, and I shall make Rahul Gandhi , what has he, as a self-proclaimed youth icon, done for this glorious game, which has given us such lovely memories. He has all the time to visit JNU & HCU, but no time to watch the cricket match? Today, both parties are in the dock & your channel will expose their hypocrisy. Now gentleman, if you will please let me speak. This is my show & you will speak only when i ask you to.

Arvind Kejriwal: This is the result of the corruption in cricket. Look at the muck I exposed in DDCA. The PM should resign after this loss. When I become the PM, I will eliminate corruption from BCCI too. Now, waiting for the release of Ki and Ka…





Assaduddin Owaisi: This team was bound to lose as it did not have representation from the minority community. Teams from England, Australia, Pakistan & Bangladesh had muslim players, but not the Indian team. This government is making cricket a non-exclusive game by keeping out minorities.



Kanhaiya Kumar: Hum le ke rahenge azaadi. Cricket se azaadi. Haar se azaadi. Jeet se azadi. Azaadi…







Mohan Bhagwat: We have to revive the traditional sports. Kabaddi should be made the Rashtiya Khel and included in the school syllabus. All sportspersons should say Bharat Mata ki Jai before a match to prove their nationalism. Sports federations should conduct Satyanarayan Katha before any world/asian championships.






Narendra Modi: Mitro, this loss is the result of the socialistic policies of congress in the last 60 years. Remember Lagaan, where India beat England in cricket? Today, Indian team had nothing to lose, so they lost the match. My government is launching "Har Mohalla, Gend Balla" programme to reclaim the glory of Lagaan. I am also renaming IPL as Bat for India.


Prakash Karat: Cricket is an imperialist game. No great country like Russia, China, Cuba, North Korea, plays cricket. Cricket is a conspiracy of the capitalist forces. Industrialists are promoting cricket to sell their products. Government should form a Joint Parliamentary Committee for nationalisation of cricket.






Rahul Gandhi: India has never won a world cup when there is a non-congress government. This is because of the sacrifice my family has made for the country. Secular forces should come together for revival of the game. Had the Indian team remembered Bernoulli's theorem, they could have got Simmons out early.


Ramdev: Going to the gym only develops the muscles. Team India should also practice Yoga for alround development. Patanjali shall launch herbal, organic food supplements that will make our team physically fitter & mentally stronger.






Uddhav Thackeray: This team cannot carry forward the legacy of Gavaskar, Vengsarkar, Tendulkar. We will not let Team India play in Mumbai if at least 4 Marathi Manoos are not in the playing XI. We also do not want any West Indies player in Mumbai Indians team. We will dig up the road outside Mukesh Ambani's house as a protest.







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