I
was chatting with this “Contact” of mine who is usually in the midst of
happenings in the capital. This way, I avoid not only the polluted Delhi air
but also the channels that air everything but the news. He was so elated today
by what is being labelled on SM as “Modi Surgical Strike” or MSS (you know what the news channels are calling demonetisation), that he let
me on the next few ones in the offing. I decided to immediately put these on
this blog so that you are not caught unawares next time round.
Sooryavansham: In the next surgical strike, Sooryavansham
will be banned permanently from Sony Max (or any other channel). The idiot box will never appear the same without this marquee film not being on air, but the good times haven’t ended for Bollywood junkies. Max (and every other
channel) still has the freedom to air other Big-B hits such as Ajooba &
Jadugar. And they had the temerity to call us intolerant?
Karan Johar movies: If the economy doesn’t show any signs
of turning around, movies shot overseas despite the “Make in India” push (read
KJo films) will be next in line. Sanskaari Alok Nath has already started directing
the talented Gajendra Chauhan in what is expected to be the next Diwali blockbuster.
Footpaths: The government has practically decided to
remove that urban inconvenience called footpath, the drive to begin with
Mumbai soon. The Mumbai roads will now be broader & the potholes deeper.
Considering that Salman Khan loves driving in the night, the ever-considerate
government has also decided to widen the road medians (dividers) so that the pavement
dwellers can sleep there peacefully.
Valentine’s Day: This one gets the boot for not being in
sync with our ancient culture. However, to protect the livelihoods of those
selling balloons, flowers, chocolates & selfie sticks, the 1st
Sunday of February will be celebrated as Patanjali Day of Young at Heart. On the 2nd
& 3rd Sundays of February, Shiv Sena & MNS respectively will
be allowed to impose a bandh, take out rallies & indulge in minor arson.
TV Panel Discussions: These are innocent victims of India’s
commitment to curb global warming. As the nation never really gets to know what
it wants to know, these discussions will be replaced with a briefing by the government
spokespersons. Followed by two minutes response each by major political parties in
the spirit of a healthy democracy.
I
will update you when I next meet my “Contact”.
Pics courtesy:
Sooryavansham: http://forums.itsboxoffice.com/510315/realize-premiere-tonight-interested-trending-sooryavansham
Interesting and funny!
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