The (Modi) Surgical Strikes are here to stay!

I was chatting with this “Contact” of mine who is usually in the midst of happenings in the capital. This way, I avoid not only the polluted Delhi air but also the channels that air everything but the news. He was so elated today by what is being labelled on SM as “Modi Surgical Strike” or MSS (you know what the news channels are calling demonetisation), that he let me on the next few ones in the offing. I decided to immediately put these on this blog so that you are not caught unawares next time round.

Sooryavansham: In the next surgical strike, Sooryavansham will be banned permanently from Sony Max (or any other channel). The idiot box will never appear the same without this marquee film not being on air, but the good times haven’t ended for Bollywood junkies. Max (and every other channel) still has the freedom to air other Big-B hits such as Ajooba & Jadugar. And they had the temerity to call us intolerant?

Karan Johar movies: If the economy doesn’t show any signs of turning around, movies shot overseas despite the “Make in India” push (read KJo films) will be next in line. Sanskaari Alok Nath has already started directing the talented Gajendra Chauhan in what is expected to be the next Diwali blockbuster.  

Footpaths: The government has practically decided to remove that urban inconvenience called footpath, the drive to begin with Mumbai soon. The Mumbai roads will now be broader & the potholes deeper. Considering that Salman Khan loves driving in the night, the ever-considerate government has also decided to widen the road medians (dividers) so that the pavement dwellers can sleep there peacefully.

Valentine’s Day: This one gets the boot for not being in sync with our ancient culture. However, to protect the livelihoods of those selling balloons, flowers, chocolates & selfie sticks, the 1^st Sunday of February will be celebrated as Patanjali Day of Young at Heart. On the 2^nd & 3^rd Sundays of February, Shiv Sena & MNS respectively will be allowed to impose a bandh, take out rallies & indulge in minor arson.

TV Panel Discussions: These are innocent victims of India’s commitment to curb global warming. As the nation never really gets to know what it wants to know, these discussions will be replaced with a briefing by the government spokespersons. Followed by two minutes response each by major political parties in the spirit of a healthy democracy.

I will update you when I next meet my “Contact”.

Pics courtesy:

Sooryavansham: http://forums.itsboxoffice.com/510315/realize-premiere-tonight-interested-trending-sooryavansham

News Hour: http://www.financialexpress.com/india-news/when-humble-arnab-goswami-refused-to-take-credit-for-newshour-success-at-times-now/435934/

On Appointments, Disappointments & Misappointments

It started with Mr. Gajendra Chauhan being made to head the FTII (appointment), then news leaked that Dr. Raghuram Rajan will not taking up a second term (disappointment), followed by Mr. Chetan Chauhan put at the helm of NIFT (misappointment). As happens these days, all hell broke loose. Things have turned out to be so grave that the opposition to another International Yoga (on the day of posting) is muted this time round.

This is not a very good situation to be in. To help our government smoothly push appointments to important positions, here is my list of candidates for its consideration:

President  of Sahitya Akademi

If Mr. Gajendra Chauhan can head FTII, Mr. Chetan Bhagat can brag of better credentials in the literary field. Of course, his rivals would not be wrong to claim that Mr. Bhagat's books are not as trashy as Mr. Chauhan's films, but merit has not been a consideration for a long time. And, like Mr. Pahlaj Nihalani, Mr. Bhagat doesn't back down when confronted by the high & mighty. This would be useful if (or when) the award wapasi gang returns. This would also keep him too busy to write another book for a long time.

Commissioner at Large for NRI Affairs

I know there is no such position, but one can always be created for Mr. Anupam Kher. Hasn't he been the most vocal supporter of rights of displaced Kashmiris? Though not NRI's in the strictest sense of the term, the KP's are Indians who are non residents in their own homeland - let's call them domestic NRI's. Mr. Kher can be expected to bring the same empathy, as in the case of domestic NRI's, to improve the plight of our expat NRI's too. This may become critical as Trump appears to be the next POTUS.

RBI Governor

He is a businessman/industrialist, an ex-member of Parliament, and has very good working relations with Banks. In other words, a business-friendly person on good terms with the politicians who also makes the banks do his bidding without holding any office. What more do you want in a Governor of RBI? If all this is not enough, Dr. Vijay Mallya, if given this responsibility, can also be expected to manage the unputdownable Dr. Subramanian Swamy!

Permanent Representative to UN

Any other organisation/position will be too low for a person of his mettle. A learned scholar (wasn't he the 1st Indian to teach at Harvard?), trust him to stand up to the world. The foreign service babus may not support this, but Dr. Subramanian Swamy should be privy to enough of their murky secrets for them to make any noise about this.  And the loose cannon that he is, he can scare the shit out of the seasoned diplomats at UN too. Who knows, just to placate Dr. Swamy, they would make India not only a member of NSG but also a permanent member of Security Council. Yes, we need a strong person like him at the apex body of international affairs. After all, akela Modi kya kya karega?

President of India

Times are bad & getting worse. Only Nirmal Baba, as head of the nation, can guide us to salvation in double quick time. I am amazed why the central government never aproached him when all its game changing legislations were stuck in the Rajya Sabha. Nirmal Baba would have told where exactly the "Kripa" was held up. But it's still not too late & making Nirmal Baba the next president can definitely ensure a second term for Mr. Modi by accelerating the arrival of Achhe Din. What's more, the simplistic, down to earth solutions that Nirmal Baba has for the common & not-so-common problems of the common man would definitely endear him to Mr. Arvind Kejriwal & we may finally see the two governments in Delhi seeing eye to eye on an issue.

Well, these are my choices & you may have your own preferences different than these above. Also, this is not the comprehensive list of offices that need to be replaced. So, why don't you add to this list to make our government's task easier?

Pix credit:

Mr. Chetan Bhagat (http://www.indiatimes.com/entertainment/more-bollywood/chetan-bhagat-on-salman-khan-kick-and-middleclass-heroes-163897.html)

Mr. Anupam Kher (http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/anupam-kher-collaborating-with-ashoke-pandit-for-a-film-on-the-plight-of-kashmiri-pandits/articleshow/51950308.cms)

Dr. Vijay Mallya (http://www.newsmobile.in/articles/2016/04/29/willing-to-reach-reasonable-debt-settlement-vijay-mallya/)

Dr. Subramanian Swamy (http://www.hindustantimes.com/india/tipu-sultan-had-no-qualities-worth-celebrating-subramanian-swamy/story-DpE7IberY2i9lzYiZ9PaCP.html)

Nirmal Baba (http://archive.indianexpress.com/news/court-reserves-on-anticipatory-bail-plea-of-nirmal-baba/966927/)