The Ultimate Khiladi

Guess who is Mukesh Ambani's biggest fan? Surprise, surprise... it is Arvind Kejriwal (I will call him Aykay for the remaining of this post). If I believe him (Aykay, that is & not Mukesh Ambani), he (Mukesh Ambani, this time) is a superhuman being. He (Mukesh Ambani) not only manages behemoth of a business empire, but also manages to find time to manage an obese government of a large, overpopulated country that is India! 

All that was in jest... 

Aykay says, Mukesh Ambani (let's call him M for the remaining of this post) is running the country, not the government.

The whole world may doubt Aykay's judgement, but pls count me out. Isn't it a fact that the government started going down the dump at the same time that the production from RIL's flagship asset (KG-D6 gas fields) began its downward slump? And both have reached their nadir at the same time, which is Now! Wow!! Do you see the connect here, and the hidden hand?

Moses found his tablet at Mt. Sinai. Aykay, where did you find yours? In fact, in these times of multiple tablet models floating around the market, not counting the phablets, the ipads & the ipad minis, your task to collect the correct tablet was even more difficult that Hanuman's quest for the sanjivani. While Hanuman failed in his task & carried back the whole mountain, you did not, the result being the mango people have been able to buy a tablet / phablet / ipad / ipad mini very easily (I mean easy in terms of accessibility & not affordability). 

Aykay, had you been less competent than you are but as ingenious as Hanuman, vast nos. of people would have still been lugging a laptop around. But this is just the culmination of his focused efforts.

First, he sidelined the first family by exposing the first son-in-law. When the principal opposing party stood out by his side, he exposed its murkier side. To be honest, I was disgusted by his attack on Gadkari. This was nothing short of treason, if you ask me. You attack someone who is backing you for something that is a common practice all over the country. The maze behind the Purti group is nothing compared to the ones around most of the large business houses. If nothing else, this only proved that Gadkari was not a good businessman (to be found out & exposed by a former bureaucrat). 

But this was not Aykay's real target. With this shot, he silenced the business class. So that, when he took over the biggest & most powerful of them all, who was left fending for himself all alone. The fellow businessman are in no condition to come out in his support on account of being exposed by Aykay. The political chums are too busy defending themselves & their leaders to even bother about the big M.

What does all indicate? For one, Aykay is the bravest of them all? He has tied all the politicians in knots, while M is cornered with no one by his side. Aykay is the alternative we, the mango people, have been seeking all these years. Of course, there is another M (shall we call him the little M?) who has the same dream but is too busy now a days studying the love life of a central minister.

The original AK (now rechristened Rowdy) was not only a Khiladi, but also sabse bada Khiladi. The 21st century Aykay could very well be the Ultimate Khiladi...

Where am I amidst all this? 

Well, the original M is coming to town tomorrow along with her super-competent agent (hasn't he always been The Khiladi?). Heavens may fall, but its Skyfall for me!!!

Inviting suggestions for Team Anna (party symbol/name)

Team Anna is deliberating on giving an overt political dimension to its movement. Most desirable option is forming a political party & contesting the elections. This would prove the identification of the masses with their beliefs & ideology.

Invite your suggestions for a suitable symbol, and name, for Anna Hazare's political party.

To help you get started, I have put together the symbols of some prominent (and not so prominent) political parties in India & what the symbols stand for.

AIADMK: Just as the leaves grow on the stem they grow on, we shall also derive our sustenance from the people who vote for us. 

Akali Dal: An empty scale is the most balanced. We shall also balance our electoral scale with empty promises & no performance.

Biju Janta Dal: Forget utility, we mean to have our voice heard. Actions be damned.

BJP: Just like the lotus, the seat of power is found in in the muck of electoral politics and we shall defy age & ethics in our quest for power & position.

BSP: Those in the legislature or parliament may bark themselves hoarse, we shall do whatever we like. That's what a thick skin is meant for. (If you have any doubts, pls note that the symbol pre-dates ascendancy of the current chief of BSP.)

Communist Party of India: As the original & true representative of the proletariat, we shall turn the entire country into a rural utopia.

Communist Party of India (Marxist): Hammer & sickle from no conditions rise, wave the red flag, there the revolution lies.

Congress: The hand that robs the nation, rules its coffers. 

DMK: As the sun rises to dispel the darkness, our sons (and daughters too) shall rise to take up our positions when we are physically no longer up to the task. 

Indian National Lok Dal: As we seek power, we may become short-sighted. The glasses would help us see the goal clearly.

Shared by Jharkhand Mukti Morcha & Shiv Sena: Ready for battle, anytime, anywhere, any reason.

MDMK (Marumalarchi DMK): We shall maintain our balance & try to stay in power in the midst of changing alliances & electoral verdicts. Like a spinning top.

Muslim League Kerela State Committee: Given support, we shall find our own way up.

Nationalist Congress Party: My time will come.

PMK (Pattali Makkal Katchi): The fruits of power are sweet & nothing is sweeter than the king of fruits. Whatever be the duration of our rule, we shall maximise our earnings during that period.

Rashtriya Janta Dal: Who needs electricity? With a lantern in hand, we shall lead you from darkness to light.

Revolutionary Socialist Party: If every one is armed with a spade & shovel, who needs excavators & dumpers? We will dig the grave of industrialisation & mechanisation.

Samajwadi Party: We strive to make the lives of common man more comfortable. We shall promote the use of bicycles as a favoured means of transport for reasons of health & environment. The funds allocated for the road sector shall be used to fill the potholes on the roads (and our own bank accounts).

Trinamool Congress: Those who call this flower "fool" are all either naxalites, maoists or communists.

Uttarakhand Kranti Dal: Its all about the Kursi, stupid! (This is one is my favourite for being so blatantly honest, sincere & truthful!) 

For an international flavour, here are the logos of the major parties in the most advanced democracy (USA):

 

Democratic Party: I am an ass

Republican Party: I have a bigger ass

IPL - Drama abhi baaki hai, mere dost

The cat is out of the bag! The banning of SRK from Wankhede is motivated by political considerations. It now transpires that the Congress High Command manipulated the situation so that it could garner the support of Shiv Sena (and MNS too) for its presidential nominee. This is in response to the uncertainty of Mamta Banerjee's stance on its candidate. Congress fears that if Didi aligns with Amma, there is every likelihood of its candidate losing, something it can ill afford after losing all these state polls.

The whole drama was micro-managed by the self-styled chief strategist of Congress - Digvijay Singh, according to a reliable source close to 10 Janpath. Digvijay Singh also realises that banning SRK might alienate the muslim vote but he is banking on pressure from Trinamool Congress to revoke the ban, upon which BCCI would acquiesce to the ally's demand. This would kill 2 birds with one stone - have its candidate as a president as well as keep the alliance with TMC intact.

After a string of failures, dating back to 1998, Diggi Raja is convinced that the time has come to redeem himself. Having got SRK banned, he is now planning to get Rahul Gandhi elected as the next president of BCCI. He is also persuading Robert Vadra to acquire stake in one of the IPL franchisees.

As expected, Didi is fuming. Mamta Banerjee has blamed the CPM for the ban on SRK as part of its plan to destabilise her government, defame the state of West Bengal & ridicule the trinamool cadre. She has already written to the IPL Governing Council that applauding every legal delivery by a KKR bowler & each run by KKR batsmen should be made mandatory. (N. Srinivasan is sitting on this demand as CSK is still in the fray for a final berth, at the time of reporting.)

As if this was not enough for the IPL organisers, Baba Ramdev has threatened to observe 20-minute fasts for 20 days at Ramlila Maidan to protest against the various skeletons tumbling out of the IPL cupboard. Among his other demands are:

• Only vegetarians be allowed to play the league
• In the place of foreign physios supporting the teams, the franchisees should hire the services of yoga experts
• Instead of post-match parties, the teams should attend meditation camps for physical & spiritual rejuvenation
• The source of funds of IPL & its franchisees should be traced (as per Ramdev's estimates, around Rs. 13,52,798 Crores have been laundered by the franchisees)

Not to be left behind, Anna Hazare is also planning an agitation against IPL. When asked whether this would not divert his attention from Lokpal, Hazare gave the example of Mahatma Gandhi who had successfully opposed the Bombay Pentangular Cricket tournament. As the last surviving Gandhian, Hazare believes he is duty bound to emulate each of Gandhiji's struggle. What is more likely, he has realised that getting the Lok Pal bill passed is beyond his capabilities & has taken up an easier crusade.

Aamir Khan is also taking up the plight of the bowlers in his show - Satyamev Jayate. Amir believes that sport should be a medium to reinforce human values - equality, justice & compassion. Bowlers being hit over the boundary not only scars them psychologically, but also poses physical risks to the fielders on the boundary & spectators in the stands. As with all his projects, the details are a closely guarded secret. Those in the know have hinted that Amrita Singh, Sangeeta Bijlani & Poonam Pandey (fully clothed) are expected to participate in the show.

With all this happening around me, I cannot help but play spoilsport too. If my current pet peeve, Shri Markanday Katju (a former judicial official & now the Press Council chief), has been silent all this while, don't be surprised. He has been putting all those words on paper & is planning to front page it on all national dailies. To steal his thunder, Shri Katju wants all the foreign cheergirls to be deported & replaced by those adept at Indian classical dance forms. If you are patient, Shri Katju's opinions would be shortly available in a 5-column front page boxed story in the major dailies.