Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Towards a post-Aadhaar era

The government is on track. Now even the cows will have their own aadhaar card. If you are thinking that the Achhe Din have finally arrived, wait. There’s a lot that still needs to be done. No, I don’t want the aadhar database to be overloaded. But there are many areas where exclusivity/unique identification should be extended so that identities are not mistaken, people are not fooled & sanity prevails. Here are a few suggestions that the government needs to consider:


Stray Dogs: They are of all types: friendly or suspicious, silent or aggressive, barkers or biters. Giving each a unique ID will help in proper identification. The regular morning walkers would then know which ones to avoid & which ones to let close enough. And the likes of government officials in Kerala need not go into the trouble of exterminating the entire race (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/kochi/) from the town as they would be able to target selectively & precisely the ones to be eliminated.


Unfulfilled poll promises: Our netas are notorious for recycling promises made during previous elections. The election promises should have a unique prefix (with a clear indication of the year these were originally made) so that electorate realise which one is new. Such as BJP726GJ2002 or INC4983UP1972. This will force netas to think & come up with new promises to not keep. Other intended benefits include Hema Malini no longer fearing (before each election) her cheeks being compared to streets in Bihar. And, the mango people no longer waiting for #AchheDin.


Government schemes/institutions: Coming from a state where wine (or any other intoxicating fluid) never gets old enough, repackaging is something that I do not understand. Yes, Niti Ayog has a nice indian touch to its name but even duffers like me have now realised that it is nothing but yesterday's Planning Commission reheated for today's dinner.



Hindi Film Music: I don’t know how this can be achieved, but it is a must-do. For, the likes of Anu Malik do not disappear completely, they can be ressurected any time in future in the form of lazy music directors. Yes, this may affect some livelihoods but as they say, hard work never killed anyone!





Breaking News: Come on guys, give us a break. If a news has broken once then please accept the fact. Don’t remind us of it throughout the day. Unless you believe you can glue the broken news together again & again, but that would imply you have been using an adhesive of extremely poor quality. Like the news you peddle.


Sound levels: If the government can auction airwaves & spectrum, why can't it do so for noise too? Let the panelists on TV debates bid & win the decibel levels for themselves & be forced not to shout louder than they are entitled to. The out-shouting contests have actually turned the TV to an idiot box. This is all the more important as Arnab Goswamy will soon be back to enlighten is with what the nation wants to know.


Pix credits:


Tuesday, February 28, 2017

I didn't post this, Blogger did

Gurmehar Kaur is back in the news, though, as I write this she is going back into obscurity. Though it was an old pic of hers which provoked Viru Sehwag, whose return tweet was found humorous by many, including Randeep Hooda. Well, this post is not about the placard politics that’s being played out on social media. But what these newsmakers said, and the manner of their saying it, is I liked. Isn’t this blog also about the other whys? This intrigued me enough to go about asking people what they were doing, and why, & here’s the response I got:

I went to a busy, crowded government office & caught hold of a person who had just finished his transaction. And this common man (or aam admi or mango people, as you may prefer) innocently told me, “I am not corrupt, it is the system that is corrupt”. It was nearing lunch time &  I managed to have a quiet word with the official too, who informed me matter-of-factly, “I am not corrupt, it is the system that is corrupt”. Later in the afternoon, I bumped into a small time local neta. Hearing out my experience (narrated in an accusatory tone), he hit back like Yuvi going for a six, “I am not corrupt, it is the system that is corrupt”.

Different people, different roles, but one answer. I put a stop to my expedition, letting my imagination do all the hard work instead. If speech is free, why shouldn’t I hear what I wish to? So here it goes…

The first stop my thoughts made was at a private party where I managed to spot a bollywood superstar who was quite candid & admitted, “I am not a great actor, it’s our public that likes celluloid trash”. Big words, but I hope someday he gets courageous (and honest) enough to tell this to a producer too.

In Tamil Nadu where it’s only the supreme leaders of the two parties that win elections, I was surprised when this neta told me, “I can win elections on my own, but I need a leader to give me the ticket to contest”. Had it been UP or Bihar, he would have formed his own political party.

And this big businessman in a small town (are the rest like him too?), “I don’t fudge my accounts, I only manage my accountant & auditor” My advice to write a book on “Managing Accounts for Dummies” was declined as there would be no buyers.

Somehow managing to avoid a collision with this young kid with his girlfriend on the pillion, I found him zooming off with this reply, “I don’t drive on the wrong side, I only take the short cut”. Looking behind, I hoped the traffic cop didn’t take too short a cut after getting hold of this offender.

And finally this gem from a moderator of a newsroom panel discussion – “I am not shouting, the volume of the TV is set too high”. And I knew it was time to tune off & bring this post to a close.


If I ever get back to doing this exercise, I will be looking for: “I am not communal, religion is.” Who would that come from? Your guess is as good as mine!!

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Presenting the CM of Punjab. Oops Delhi. Sorry Punjab. No, Delhi. Actually Punjab...

Is it true? Is Arvind Kejriwal the AAP CM candidate for Punjab? Nothing could be a better news for the people of Punjab. Finally, the messiah of the mango people was making their state his home. 

But what about the people of Delhi? They would not take it kindly, being abandoned mid-course in such a way. Well, I have a way out. Rather, more than a way out…

Odd-Even: This one has the best odds as it is the easiest to implement, Chandigarh & Delhi being not too far off. This is also one which is close to AK’s heart. In fact, he will also get a chance to meet his voters/non-voters when he commutes either way.

Visiting CM: We all have seen that Delhi is too small a place for both Modi & Kejriwal. As per this option, Kejriwal will visit Delhi when Modi is on one of his foreign trips or on election campaign. Thus, we will have only one of them in town at any time which could reduce the noise levels considerably. Of course, Punjabis would feel cheated because Modi is more often out of Delhi, than in.

Raj Dharna: When a Dharna is there, can Kejriwal be far behind? Kejriwal moves to the place/state that is holding a Dharna. And stays put till another Dharna is organized. Though there is a risk here – Kejriwal may start acting as the CM when he attends Dharna in another state which would not be to the liking of his friends there (like Didi or Nitish).

Seasonal Visits: I personally prefer this one. We all know how winter affects Kejriwal and also the problems it creates in the city. So, Kejriwal can stay in Punjab during the winters & get the farmers there not to burn their agriwaste, Delhi would get so much less of winter smog. As far as the muffler is concerned, he can get to wear it in Punjab too.

CM by Holography: He can be present in both the places by having his 3D hologram projected (as Modi did during elections) where he is not. Actually, this seems to be the best option as this would enable Kejriwal to be the CM of Goa too!!


Referendum: If all/most of the above seem equally attractive, let there be a referendum in the country (or Delhi & Punjab, to begin with) to decide the best course of action. I am sure that people of both, Delhi & Punjab, will not like to lose their CM. Thus, this democratic tool appears to be the best solution. And AAP has plenty of experience, & much faith, in a referendum.



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