Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Terror has many names

The day Arnab Goswamy resumed his battle against the “Saffron terrorism” bogey, started with media reports of another public figure defining a new branch of terrorism – Social Terrorism. That’s what chairperson of Rajasthan Human Rights Commission, Justice Prakash Tatia, called live-in relationships ( Which left me pondering, why great contemporary thinkers are cropping up in Rajasthan? But with my limited intellectual capabilities, I couldn’t really fathom this & left it unanswered. But an idle mind with plenty of time to spare just doesn’t stop & I began looking for other types of terrorism that we come across. As I discovered, these are quite a few:

Bovine Terrorism: Not the Gau Rakshaks. These kind hearted guys are to gaai’s what Bittu Sahgal was to tigers. I am actually alluding to the docile quadrupeds found masticating on the streets, oblivious to the chaos that our streets are. Kabir Khan, in Chak De India, could foretell where the Aussie player was going to hit the ball. I can give the Kabir Khans of the world all the time they need to forecast what these cows will do next. Something the civic commuters have still not been able to decode. I once believed I had found an easy way to avoid the cows – start walking. But soon enough realized that one can avoid either the cow or the dung, not both.

Beauty Terrorism: No, it isn’t a “kamaal ladki” who “ankhiyo se goli maare”. It is actually the most benign of beings, the peacock. Yes, peacocks are found aplenty in Baroda & they have become used to the morning walkers. A peacock with its feathers spread out is a common sight & its pictures/videos are regularly circulated on local whatsapp groups. But I have also seen tough guys (of the Sunny Deol type) come to tears at the sight of this beautiful bird. Simply because (as one knowledgeable soul told me) they were unable to bring tears in their eyes the previous night (for details, Yes, a very subtle kind of terror that strikes the least likely victims.

Adhaar Terrorism: This one is serious & very real. When it was introduced, it was as if we will finally have an identity that we could flaunt. All along we have been driving without a license card. We had a voter’s I-card but someone always cast our vote before we reached the polling booth. But this time they were also collecting our fingerprints & we did not feel like criminals. Even after the actual cards were delivered with our photos! For, a founder of India’s premier IT company was the brain behind this. But now everyone is asking for the adhaar details, which shouldn’t normally bother us. We are the ones who give away our log-in passwords & ATM pins to anyone who asks for it. I still don’t mind that adhaar has become mandatory for almost anything – from filing one’s tax returns to getting entry into a movie hall. But I am worried that the bootlegger may also make deliveries only after submission of adhaar details. Scary, isn’t it?

Scientific Terrorism: This come in all forms. At one end we have those who present papers at global conferences conducted in Nagpur, proving that Newton was an Indian & it was not an apple that fell on his head but a modak that accidentally slipped out of Ganesha’s hand. At the other end of the spectrum we have the neighbours who offer Patanjali-branded biscuits & snacks to visitors. While the former are found in newspaper reports & facebook posts, one cannot avoid the latter. I now carry a bottle of water when I visit these types & inform that I drink only Gangajal. Because when it comes to holiness, Ganga rates much higher than the Gau-mata!!

Cutting Edge Terrorism: The likes of Mossad, KGB & CIA would willingly spend their entire budgets acquiring this skill. When men with scissors bring the creative minds to the edge of sanity. You may argue that stuff churned out by Bollywood is equally senseless. You may defend the need to preserve our culture & heritage. You may be worried about the adverse influence movies have had on the social fabric. But one of the victims has been Agent 007 himself. Yes, add MI6 also to the list.

Friendly Terrorism: Friends who know your secrets could have been classified as one, but we know their secrets too. However, this is when someone begins to address you as “Mitro”.

But we are a great nation. Fears such as these are but small blips in our existence. We know how to move on despite what the Kasabs & Wanis may achieve. As Gabbar Singh said, ”Jo darr gaya, samjho mar gaya”?


  1. You have missed out Spin-Doctor terrorism... where any argument can be twisted to suit one's ideology!

    1. Good that I missed this one, else I would have been hauled over coals by the news channels ;)

  2. you've also missed out Tagging Terrorism. I have been tagged in pic. where i am invisible ;(

    1. True, but this is a part of Facebook Terrorism which needs a separate post for it has many forms apart from Tagging - Post Like Terrorism, Selfie Terrorism, Silly Update Terrorism, FB Suggestion Terrorism, Terrorism of Trolls...

    2. Ha ha ha..Awaiting for a separate article on that. Add Unfollow terrorrism as well- you might come to know that some of your friends are bhakts or from pappu gang, so you may unfollow him/her.

  3. Good classification of dogmatic beings...well written


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