Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Glorious Uncertainties of Cricket

I happened to check the score of the 2nd ODI being played between India & New Zealand. I was shocked by what I saw:

NZ - 271/7 in 42 overs

India - 277/9 in 41.3 overs

Result: NZ win by 15 runs by Duckworth-Lewis method

Without going into the details of all that came to mind (& lips), I scoured the web to check whether what I was seeing was correct. Not only was the website displaying correct info, I discovered that our eminent people were not taking this lying down. Here’s a brief on what these worthies plan to do to oppose & fight this gross injustice to India:

  • AAP shall be conducting a referendum on the validity of the result so that aam admi's opinion is sought after each match in future.
  • BJP (along with VHP, Bajrang Dal, etc.) plans to demolish the ICC headquarters & build BCCI HQ in its place so that this insult to our sporting cultural is undone. It has also called for a Bharat Bandh on 23rd Jan.
  • Left Front has called it a capitalist conspiracy & has blamed Mamata Bannerjee & the communal forces for this shameful result. It has also called for a Kolkata Bandh on 24th Jan in protest.
  • AAP to hold a dharna outside NZ embassy (to be called off when the margin of loss is reduced to 5 runs).
  • Rahul plans to call a press conference, proclaim D/L method to be nonsense & tear the scoresheet.
  • Lalit Modi is sure Srinivasan & team is a party to this conspiracy for their private gains & has vowed to fight their nefarious designs.
  • Advani has announced he will build a Ram Setu from India to NZ to bring back the Indian team.
  • Narendra Modi plans to build CK Naidu’s statue at Indira Point (Great Nicobar Island) which will be tall enough to be visible in New Zealand.
  • MNS has demanded a Marathi Manoos to be made captain of the Indian Cricket team. It has called for a Mumbai Bandh on 25th Jan.
  • Shiv Sena has bullshitted MNS demand as being opportunist & has, in turn, demanded Sachin be recalled & made the team captain. It planned to call for a Maharashtra Bandh on 25th Jan but MNS beat it. 26th Jan being a Sunday, rest of Maharashtra is now deprived of an additional public holiday (apart from the BJP bandh on 23rd).
  • Somnath Bharti has decided to raid the houses of Duckworth & Lewis to expose the source code of D/L programme.
  • Baba Ramdev is devising new yoga postures so that Indian cricket team never loses a match.
  • Vijay Mallya plans to sell a stake in RCB franchise to Sahara group to finance purchase of the New Zealand cricket team.

I would have a sound sleep tonight as the future of Indian cricket is now safe! For, tomorrow I need to go back to school to re-learn my Maths.

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