Showing posts with label #AchheDin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #AchheDin. Show all posts

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Snip

It started with lynching of men where lives were cut out of those not following the social practices of the majority. The vocal urbanites lost no time in decrying this new practice but in the absence of candle light marches this fad has only gained in strength. We are fortunate that only beef eaters are the victims & those of us who savour other animal food (or even garlic & onion) can continue to do so.


Next, we had Pahlaj Nihalani, as Censor Board chief, playing Alok Nath in his sanskari avatar. He is the same person whose films, long back, filled up the front rows in movie halls. He may not be acclaimed for his technical skills or cinematic vision. But credit to him for cult songs like “Sarkaye Lo Khatiya…”, to name one. Most of us believed movie going would again be a pleasure it once was, with Mr. Nihalani heading the august body instituted with the task of regulating films being made. However, this was no beginning of Achhe Din for fans of masala movie (or even those who like the good ones). Pahlaj Nihalani ver 2.0 is adept at chopping scenes not in sync with our sanskaar. Yes, we are yet to watch a film with a blank screen & no dialogue, which indicates he has other means of occupying his time. Though very fine, this still is a silver lining.

Now such things usually happen only to a specific class of people, like film makers & meat sellers (Ok, dalits too). Or, do they? A couple of days back, pausing to see my whatsapp notification while surfing channels, I happened to stop at Aaj Tak. And realized that this penchant for hacking down anyone & anything is getting out of hand. As you know (but cannot believe), Aaj Tak has been rated by Brand Trust Report as the most trusted media brand (http://aajtak.intoday.in/story/aajtak-and-india-today-most-trusted-brands-1-922002.html). Thus, one is forced to take Aaj Tak seriously even if anchors of other news channels (not just newly launched English ones) can shout much, much louder.

Coming back to the news item, it was about spate of incidents in/around Delhi where women’s hair were being cut by unknown persons. (Visit http://aajtak.intoday.in/crime/story/police-lodged-fir-against-unknown-person-who-cut-woman-hair-delhi-1-944157.html & you will know how scary this is.) As you know, her hair is very dear to a woman, next only to gossip & golgappas. Thus, the guys behind snipping off women’s hair have dared to go beyond Nihalani or the anti-beef brigade. And this is not bound by class, caste, etc. It could happen to your wife or your neighbour’s. And you will not like it one bit!! Do you now realize how serious this is? Maybe they may turn out better in short, cropped hair but is it worth the risk? Granted, her visits to the saloon will become less frequent & the expenses come down. But will this get her to spend less time getting ready?

Coming back to the topic, is this a new trend or is it a localized fad that would soon disappear? Had it been limited to Delhi, one would have assumed the latter, believing this to be the job of someone who has not yet been able to recover from the impact of demonetization, odd-even & now, GST. But this is happening in UP too, where the anti-Romeo squads target only couples. And rural Rajasthan, where it is so difficult to see the shape of a woman’s eyebrow, let alone the length of her hair, with the pallu doing as good a job as the burqa. And Haryana, where they just do not dishonor their women (so what if they kill them?).

Now, all these states have BJP governments in power. This could be a conspiracy by the opposition (should we say, marginal?) parties to malign the administration. Well, no again. Some of these opposition guys are too busy preparing for the visit by the not-so-friendly authorities looking for cash & jewelry lying about their homes. While some others are worried about the land holdings that can be linked to them. Even Mamta Banerjee & Arvind Kejriwal have been unusually quiet for some time now. Of course, NDTV 24x7 has also picked up this story but I still won’t believe this is a congress ploy. A party that can’t keep its prince safe from stone pelters in a flood affected area can hardly be trusted to plan a mass hair cutting programme.

But is this something to really worry about? I don’t think so, for we have lived our entire lives with this in one form or the other. Haven’t we all grown up with our teachers cutting our marks for the silliest of reasons? Growing up, we ended up with the government slicing away a good portion of our earnings as tax (but that’s lawful, unlike the cut a “Bhai” takes). Of what was saved from the government, the banks slice wee bits (which add up significantly) in the form of numerous charges we do not even know about. And many companies now routinely cut down their headcount for reasons of austerity.

Long back, the cricket administrators cut down the game from five days to one & from one day to 3 hours. Which has made it watchable to more viewers. And the film makers (perhaps inspired by Pahlaj Nihalani’s success) have been cutting down what actresses wear, which has brought in more viewers than those who left. And those who couldn’t become actresses even after wearing these stripped down dresses joined the 3-hour cricket, which made it even more watchable! Those of you who are salivating at the thought that this could potentially lead to something similar happening to the players too (the grapevine is also talking about a women’s IPL), let me remind you that long back Soviets were sent back from the field because they came down to play in shorts. They haven’t been seen since.

So, keep you fantasies in control & watch the men in blue defeat the men in darker blue in the 2nd test too. All these stories about women’s hair being cut by some unknown “forces” will die down soon. Remember, the tests will be followed by one days & a T-20. As they say, patience pays!




Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Towards a post-Aadhaar era

The government is on track. Now even the cows will have their own aadhaar card. If you are thinking that the Achhe Din have finally arrived, wait. There’s a lot that still needs to be done. No, I don’t want the aadhar database to be overloaded. But there are many areas where exclusivity/unique identification should be extended so that identities are not mistaken, people are not fooled & sanity prevails. Here are a few suggestions that the government needs to consider:


Stray Dogs: They are of all types: friendly or suspicious, silent or aggressive, barkers or biters. Giving each a unique ID will help in proper identification. The regular morning walkers would then know which ones to avoid & which ones to let close enough. And the likes of government officials in Kerala need not go into the trouble of exterminating the entire race (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/kochi/) from the town as they would be able to target selectively & precisely the ones to be eliminated.


Unfulfilled poll promises: Our netas are notorious for recycling promises made during previous elections. The election promises should have a unique prefix (with a clear indication of the year these were originally made) so that electorate realise which one is new. Such as BJP726GJ2002 or INC4983UP1972. This will force netas to think & come up with new promises to not keep. Other intended benefits include Hema Malini no longer fearing (before each election) her cheeks being compared to streets in Bihar. And, the mango people no longer waiting for #AchheDin.


Government schemes/institutions: Coming from a state where wine (or any other intoxicating fluid) never gets old enough, repackaging is something that I do not understand. Yes, Niti Ayog has a nice indian touch to its name but even duffers like me have now realised that it is nothing but yesterday's Planning Commission reheated for today's dinner.



Hindi Film Music: I don’t know how this can be achieved, but it is a must-do. For, the likes of Anu Malik do not disappear completely, they can be ressurected any time in future in the form of lazy music directors. Yes, this may affect some livelihoods but as they say, hard work never killed anyone!





Breaking News: Come on guys, give us a break. If a news has broken once then please accept the fact. Don’t remind us of it throughout the day. Unless you believe you can glue the broken news together again & again, but that would imply you have been using an adhesive of extremely poor quality. Like the news you peddle.


Sound levels: If the government can auction airwaves & spectrum, why can't it do so for noise too? Let the panelists on TV debates bid & win the decibel levels for themselves & be forced not to shout louder than they are entitled to. The out-shouting contests have actually turned the TV to an idiot box. This is all the more important as Arnab Goswamy will soon be back to enlighten is with what the nation wants to know.


Pix credits:


Friday, November 11, 2016

The (Modi) Surgical Strikes are here to stay!

I was chatting with this “Contact” of mine who is usually in the midst of happenings in the capital. This way, I avoid not only the polluted Delhi air but also the channels that air everything but the news. He was so elated today by what is being labelled on SM as “Modi Surgical Strike” or MSS (you know what the news channels are calling demonetisation), that he let me on the next few ones in the offing. I decided to immediately put these on this blog so that you are not caught unawares next time round.



Sooryavansham: In the next surgical strike, Sooryavansham will be banned permanently from Sony Max (or any other channel). The idiot box will never appear the same without this marquee film not being on air, but the good times haven’t ended for Bollywood junkies. Max (and every other channel) still has the freedom to air other Big-B hits such as Ajooba & Jadugar. And they had the temerity to call us intolerant?



Karan Johar movies: If the economy doesn’t show any signs of turning around, movies shot overseas despite the “Make in India” push (read KJo films) will be next in line. Sanskaari Alok Nath has already started directing the talented Gajendra Chauhan in what is expected to be the next Diwali blockbuster.  


Footpaths: The government has practically decided to remove that urban inconvenience called footpath, the drive to begin with Mumbai soon. The Mumbai roads will now be broader & the potholes deeper. Considering that Salman Khan loves driving in the night, the ever-considerate government has also decided to widen the road medians (dividers) so that the pavement dwellers can sleep there peacefully.


Valentine’s Day: This one gets the boot for not being in sync with our ancient culture. However, to protect the livelihoods of those selling balloons, flowers, chocolates & selfie sticks, the 1st Sunday of February will be celebrated as Patanjali Day of Young at Heart. On the 2nd & 3rd Sundays of February, Shiv Sena & MNS respectively will be allowed to impose a bandh, take out rallies & indulge in minor arson.



TV Panel Discussions: These are innocent victims of India’s commitment to curb global warming. As the nation never really gets to know what it wants to know, these discussions will be replaced with a briefing by the government spokespersons. Followed by two minutes response each by major political parties in the spirit of a healthy democracy.




I will update you when I next meet my “Contact”.


Pics courtesy:



Tuesday, June 21, 2016

On Appointments, Disappointments & Misappointments

It started with Mr. Gajendra Chauhan being made to head the FTII (appointment), then news leaked that Dr. Raghuram Rajan will not taking up a second term (disappointment), followed by Mr. Chetan Chauhan put at the helm of NIFT (misappointment). As happens these days, all hell broke loose. Things have turned out to be so grave that the opposition to another International Yoga (on the day of posting) is muted this time round.

This is not a very good situation to be in. To help our government smoothly push appointments to important positions, here is my list of candidates for its consideration:


President  of Sahitya Akademi


If Mr. Gajendra Chauhan can head FTII, Mr. Chetan Bhagat can brag of better credentials in the literary field. Of course, his rivals would not be wrong to claim that Mr. Bhagat's books are not as trashy as Mr. Chauhan's films, but merit has not been a consideration for a long time. And, like Mr. Pahlaj Nihalani, Mr. Bhagat doesn't back down when confronted by the high & mighty. This would be useful if (or when) the award wapasi gang returns. This would also keep him too busy to write another book for a long time.


Commissioner at Large for NRI Affairs


I know there is no such position, but one can always be created for Mr. Anupam Kher. Hasn't he been the most vocal supporter of rights of displaced Kashmiris? Though not NRI's in the strictest sense of the term, the KP's are Indians who are non residents in their own homeland - let's call them domestic NRI's. Mr. Kher can be expected to bring the same empathy, as in the case of domestic NRI's, to improve the plight of our expat NRI's too. This may become critical as Trump appears to be the next POTUS.


RBI Governor


He is a businessman/industrialist, an ex-member of Parliament, and has very good working relations with Banks. In other words, a business-friendly person on good terms with the politicians who also makes the banks do his bidding without holding any office. What more do you want in a Governor of RBI? If all this is not enough, Dr. Vijay Mallya, if given this responsibility, can also be expected to manage the unputdownable Dr. Subramanian Swamy!


Permanent Representative to UN


Any other organisation/position will be too low for a person of his mettle. A learned scholar (wasn't he the 1st Indian to teach at Harvard?), trust him to stand up to the world. The foreign service babus may not support this, but Dr. Subramanian Swamy should be privy to enough of their murky secrets for them to make any noise about this.  And the loose cannon that he is, he can scare the shit out of the seasoned diplomats at UN too. Who knows, just to placate Dr. Swamy, they would make India not only a member of NSG but also a permanent member of Security Council. Yes, we need a strong person like him at the apex body of international affairs. After all, akela Modi kya kya karega?


President of India


Times are bad & getting worse. Only Nirmal Baba, as head of the nation, can guide us to salvation in double quick time. I am amazed why the central government never aproached him when all its game changing legislations were stuck in the Rajya Sabha. Nirmal Baba would have told where exactly the "Kripa" was held up. But it's still not too late & making Nirmal Baba the next president can definitely ensure a second term for Mr. Modi by accelerating the arrival of Achhe Din. What's more, the simplistic, down to earth solutions that Nirmal Baba has for the common & not-so-common problems of the common man would definitely endear him to Mr. Arvind Kejriwal & we may finally see the two governments in Delhi seeing eye to eye on an issue.


Well, these are my choices & you may have your own preferences different than these above. Also, this is not the comprehensive list of offices that need to be replaced. So, why don't you add to this list to make our government's task easier?


Pix credit:



Tuesday, September 29, 2015

How a Joker, a Monkey & a Ladder may get me a Blue Label

https://mansiladha.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/the-great-indian-politico-circus/
Once there was a great circus in a town, which was the sole source of entertainment for decades. But as ownership changed generations, the circus started deteriorating. Dwindling crowds not only meant reduced revenues but also falling respect in the society. But the owners were not really bothered about this state of affairs (how many actually are).



When they could not take this any longer, some performers broke away from the circus under the leadership of the Joker. Now, this Joker was actually a smart chap who knew the pulse of the people. He took his break-away troupe to an old banyan tree on the outskirts of the town & began performing there. The crowds returned & our guys were back in business. The banyan tree, with a wide girth, had an advantage over the tented circus. Multiple acts could be conducted around the tree & people had a choice to watch what they liked. Business boomed.

http://www.wallconvert.com/wallpapers/movies/the-joker-27163.html
With booming business, the Joker was on top of his form. And gone were his egalitarian ways. No longer was there an equal sharing of the spoils. The Joker started appropriating more than his share. Obviously, this gave rise to dissatisfaction in the troupe.

One of the star performers was a shrewd Monkey. Despite being a crowd puller, he carried on his antics without any obvious airs. But he did not take kindly to this change in Joker’s style of functioning. He broke off from the Joker and, along with the Ringmaster, carried on his show from the high branch he had latched on to. The Monkey & the Ringmaster had a great time together and the crowds loved them.

http://www.omahazoo.com/exhibits/other/lagoon-island/The new partnership flourished. The Joker’s following began dwindling rapidly & he was soon left with just a few other performers. The Monkey was getting old now & he needed a ladder to climb his branch. But once he was on his branch, he was the master of the show & the crowds’ adulation. The Monkey-Ringmaster combination was doing well, beyond even their own expectations. To cash in on this popularity, the Ringmaster brought in a young Lion to the show.

Now, the Monkey took an instant dislike to this younger Lion. The other older Lions were with the Monkey on this one (actually there were all envious), but the Ringmaster was adamant & they fell in line. But not our Monkey. It was a take it or leave it offer that he made to the Ringmaster. Ringmaster did not take it. This enraged the Lion totally. He made a charge towards the Monkey, who quickly clambered up the ladder to his favorite branch.

The Lion threatened to break the Ladder & shake the tree, if the Monkey did not climb down on his own. Before the Lion could make his threat come true, the Monkey had help from unexpected quarters. You know what, it was our dear Joker who had returned to help out his old comrade. The Joker held on to the ladder firmly, holding it against the repeated charges of the Lion.

As this story is being currently played out in the Great Indian Political Circus, what happens next is anybody’s guess. Keep watching, it is going to be a fun show this time!!


Disclaimer:
I am not saying that Laloo Prasad Yadav is a Joker, or Nitish Kumar is a Monkey. Nor do I adore Narendra Modi as a Lion. But the electorate has always been the ladder that our netas have used in their political lives. This post is simply in response to Mehul Kala who promised me a Blue Label if I could write on a Joker, Monkey & Ladder (ab daaru ke liye to itna karna hi padta hai). Hope this will not be as long a wait as that for Achhe Din!


Pictures credit: 

Saturday, August 1, 2015

#GiveItUp

http://zeenews.india.com/news/videos/top-stories/people-should-give-up-lpg-subsidy-pm-narendra-modi_1568634.htmlBecause this is the flavor of the season. But isn’t Mr. Modi going in for easy (may or may not really be effective) solutions cloaked in big-sounding slogans (but this is his forte)?

Why may this not succeed to the extent Mr. Narendra Modi (and the rest of us) want? LPG is a necessary item & people who give up subsidy will still consume it. This will not diminish the role/quantum of subsidy in urban/semi-urban residential cooking. Of course, the money gained on waived subsidies can be passed on to those who need it & the initiative needs to be lauded for this honourable intention. But the government would need to import more of LPG for this which may slightly (don’t have the necessary figures, so benefit of doubt goes to the govt.) dent the forex reserves. I am sure the govt. would have worked out the costs involved in setting up distribution infrastructure for this new market opening up. It would also have worked out the additional employment this would generate, as also the additional diesel (a subsidized commodity again) that would be consumed by this new channel & the adverse impact on environment (and health) by this oil going up in smoke. Putting aside all these costs & benefits, this is one of those measures that would return benefits over a long term. Which is, people would learn to pay for what they consume.

But can the PM take this #GiveItUp scheme to the next level? Good news, he can… and it shall ensure more benefits to all (except those giving it up). It’s the electricity, stupid. The electricity supplied to our homes is also subsidized. And the govt. can gain in many ways when the well-off #GiveItUp. The govt. can supply power to the under-served areas/segments & can divert the subsidy to these areas. Most of the electricity consumed by the privileged classes is for non-essentials (think air conditioners, gadgets, appliances or simply the lights & fans left switched on). If people start using these less, there will be surplus power in the network & government simply needs to supply this to areas suffering from load shedding (no additional infra required). Having electricity means people have a longer day for productive tasks, which may lead to higher income (daily wagers can stay back later) & higher literacy levels (children/adults can study during the nights), which would mean higher employability. The power discoms are really in doldrums & need all the cash they can mop up. While the demand for power may or may not go up, the power plants (owned by PSU’s) will at least get paid for the power they generate & supply to the discoms. And yes, unlike LPG cylinders, metered electricity cannot be diverted or sold in the black market!!


But power is one thing no one wants to give up easily – be it political power, administrative power or even the residential power (prove me wrong, folks). And asking someone (especially, a voter) to do so would be disastrous for a politician (especially one who promised #AchheDin). One needs more than a 56-inch chest to do so!


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