What's cooking? Khichdi, of course!!

Perhaps, we didn’t read the signs. It has always been a simple & easy-to-cook complete meal, disliked by kids because it was usually fed when ill. Other special occasion being when the lady of the house was too tired (or in no mood) to cook. Then, first an acclaimed movie used it at its title. Next, Ashish Nehra blamed former coach Chappel for converting the Biryani of a cricket team into Khichdi (http://www.ibtimes.co.in/ashish-nehra-blasts-this-former-india-coach-quirky-biryani-analogy-747589). And now, Khichdi has been christened a Super Food by none other than Ms. Harsimrat Kaur, the minister for food processing. A person who should have logically preferred Chicken Tikka or Tandoori Chicken is agreeable to the humble Khichdi being recognized as our National Food.

Which proves that not all politicians look at things from a regional/ethnic/linguistic/religious perspective. Convinced of her non-partisan approach in these matters, I beg her to consider similarly honouring these dishes too:

National Breakfast – It can only be Idli-Dosa & nothing else. These are no longer the monopoly of udipi outlets spread across the country. When one travels along the national highways, this is the only item available in the dhabas for breakfast. Apart from Parle G biscuit packs, of course. Even in Gujarat, a state whose denizens carry their own stock of Thepla’s when they travel outside. This will also help assuage the sentiments of South Indians who have always been distrustful of actions of the central governments. Maybe, we will then also be able to declare Hindi as the national language. Without having Lungi, in return, as the national garment.

National Beverage – As Salman Khan crooned, “Ek garam chai ki pyali ho…” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yw77XbeDZD8). Cutting Tea is my nomination too. Not those dished out by these 21^st century Café Coffee Day’s & Barista’s. I mean the cutting chai at those road side tea stalls. I don’t think there is anything better than the over-boiled tea made of recycled tea leaves & served in those small cups. And the pearls of wisdom that one picks up while one is at it, is the free add-on. Right from India’s response to China to the strategy on the cricket field, the fonts of knowledge spring forth from here. So much so that, the earliest memories of our pioneering, path-breaking, record making PM are of selling tea at one of these outlets.

National Snack – What else but the iconic Samosa. It may have been an import, but we have made it our very own. Like Cricket & Hockey. Immortalised in Bollywood songs & Election speeches, it has outlasted all icons. Yes, Akshay Kumar no longer plays the lover boy & Laloo Yadav is back on the fringes in his home state. But the Samosa with Aloo (and other fillings too) still remains a staple at Railway stations, college canteens & street corners.

National Vegetable – It brings tears to the eyes but also the taste buds to life. It is an accompaniment to the main dishes, but the main dish too. You can sprinkle it with salt, with pepper too, or lemon as well, or even dipped whole in vinegar, or as the main dish if the hunger pangs are too severe (or one is too poor). Veg or non-veg, the Onion gels with every dish, every cuisine. Never talked about, it has led to governments tumbling down. Just like us Indians. Even SRK will agree that one should never underestimate the power of a common onion.

National Dessert – Rosogolla for no particular reason but simply to make Didi happy. In the hope that if Didi is happy, she will not be cross with rest of the world. And that she will not send harmless professors to jail. And that she will not behave as an opposition leader despite being the CM. And that she will finally manage to find some time to have her sarees ironed.

P.S.: In the next few days, I am sure the congress will claim they were first to honour this Super Food simply because the UPA behaved as if it was cooking Birbal's Khichdi (https://www.moralstories.org/birbals-khichririce/). If the hon. minister takes action on my suggestions, she can prove that this government can deliver more than Jumlas.

Pics credit:

Khichdi: https://scroll.in/article/856392/why-india-needs-a-khichdi-fix-urgently

Idli-Dosa: http://www.chitrasfoodbook.com/2009/01/idly-with-tomato-sambhar.html

Tea: http://www.alamy.com/stock-photo-roadside-tea-stall-in-kerala-south-india-11246054.html

Samosa: http://food.ndtv.com/recipe-samosas-492604

Onion: http://www.healthfitnessrevolution.com/top-10-health-benefits-of-onions/

Rosogolla: http://www.freepressjournal.in/india/bengal-odisha-caught-in-a-mishti-fight-over-rosogolla/654495 

How to Make Enemies & Annoy People

Modi spent the 1^st half of his tenure traveling all over the world & making friends with the global leaders. And he was quite successful too, except in the neighbourhood. But by withdrawing the Rs. 500 & Rs. 1000 currency notes, he has, in one stroke, frittered away the goodwill that he had earned within. Not that he cares, but here’s what the mighty & the influential are feeling today:

Bollywood: One would have thought the film industry would have been happy

to see these long queues. So what if these were at Banks & ATMs & not for some 1^st day 1^st show of a Bollywood blockbuster. But the Bollywood moguls are really worried & it is about the donation to Army Welfare Fund. Yes, the fund can be transferred electronically, but they are actually bothered with the processing fees (you know the type!) that needs to be paid for getting the film released. I think they will now move to the Sooraj Barjatiya formula – a song-studded, shot-in-studio, wedding video. Or maybe turn into theme wedding organisers for the likes of Reddy brothers of Bellary.

Rahul Gandhi: For the last many months he has been traversing the hinterland, on bikes, jeeps & choppers. He ate with the villagers & slept in their huts. This was one opportunity to mix with people he could not miss, without getting out in the heat & dust of the countryside. He stood in the queue with them, but they were busy enquiring about the open ATMs in their area. He addressed them, but the queue kept moving forward as the notes were exchanged. He was even willing to bring in cots for them, but they were in a hurry to move to the next Bank. All he got was Rs. 4000 worth of 100 rupee notes.

Mamata Bannerjee: Street battle by street battle, she fought & won against the red army till she conquered West Bengal. And having consolidated her position, she was looking at a larger role for herself at a national level. And then Modi comes up with this one. How is she going to pay her foot soldiers now? But you don’t mess with Didi without incurring her wrath. This royal Bengal tigress is now marching to Delhi. This will be more interesting than Delhi Safari!

Uddhav Thackeray: With Dawood holed up in Pakistan & friendly governments in Delhi & Maharashtra, he was now the undisputed king of Mumbai. But things are getting from bad to worse. First, the Supreme Court started meddling in the heights of human pyramids during janmashtami. Next, the state government handed over Bollywood to kid brother Raj. And now, Modi has hit where it hurts most. All that a law abiding politician can do now is smuggling & drug peddling. Well, he has now decided to join Mamata’s march to Delhi; Durga Pooja pandals can be big business too.

Raj Thackeray: Good friend Fadnavis had brokered a deal & opened up another foolproof revenue stream. Considering the size of Bollywood & the common man’s appetite for the masala it churns out, Raj Thackeray was just beginning to build up a war chest for the next BMC elections. It is now back to extorting toll booths, but even these are closed for the time being. But it’s not so bad as Uddhav is in the same mess too. Or may be a bigger one; isn’t he marching along with Mamata?

Shivraj Singh Chouhan: First he was upstaged as a high performing CM. Next, his squeaky clean image was tarnished with Vyapam. And now this demonetization. He is annoyed with this step motherly treatment to Madhya Pradesh when even those no hopers of West Bengal were allowed enough time to deposit their cash with the bank. Having already given up his aspirations to be the PM, he is now left hoping he stays along as the CM next time round too.

Mayawati: With the uncle squabbling with the nephew, daughters in law engaged in not letting the other get a foothold in state politics & Netaji content playing the Bhishma Pitamah of left-of-centre politics, she was again relishing the opportunity to be CM of the largest state again. She had geared up to complete the unfinished tasks from her previous tenure, what with all those towns still without any of her statues. But trust her to fight the upper caste as it tries to trample the Dalit’s rise in social hierarchy.

Vijay Mallaya: This one’s not annoyed. He got away in time. And with banks mopping away cash from the system, the Kingfisher Villa appears to be safe for now. And yes, he remains the King of good times & bad. Cheers!!

Pics courtesy:

Hum Aapke Hain Kaun: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/hindi/music/news/Salman-Khan-Madhuri-Dixit-starrer-Hum-Aapke-Hain-kaun/articleshow/30984692.cms

Khaat Sabha: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/As-Rahul-Gandhis-Khat-Yatra-ends-supporters-literally-take-their-seats-home/articleshow/54028666.cms

Mamata Bannerjee: http://www.topnews.in/people/mamata-banerjee?page=1

Human Pyramid: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/human-pyramid-makes-britains-talent-6395057

Mayawati ststue: http://www.tradeindia.com/fp2078353/Kumari-Mayawati-Statue.html

Vijay Mallaya: http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-scotland-business-35681740

The missing National Family finally pieced together!

We are becoming too sensitive. Last week, 8 persons attempted suicide in Rajkot to get the cow declared as Mother of the Nation. (Pls read http://indianexpress.com/article/india/india-news-india/rajkot-8-attempt-suicide-demanding-cow-be-declared-as-rashtra-maata/). A few months back, a Shiv Sena MP had demanded the same. (Pls read http://indianexpress.com/article/india/india-news-india/declare-cow-as-mother-of-the-nation-shiv-sena-mp/).

This was bound to happen. After declaring Gandhiji as the Father of the Nation, we stopped at that. Didn’t our founders know that Indians are clannish & other national icons should have been so honoured to avoid controversies? With a strong Prime Minister leading a government having a full majority, I request the Government of India to set up a committee and recommend names for the full set of national icons.

To get this going, here are my suggestions for our National Family:

Father: Let’s stick to the venerable MK Gandhi. That there is no other claimant for the position is evidence enough of his universal acceptance.

Mother: I don’t really back the cow for I want real humans. But I don’t want to have people dying on this account. Also, I will never annoy the Shiv Sena. So, Cow gets my vote for as the Rashtra Mata. Also, the cow has never been considered an animal, rather a part of the family, in our rich tradition. It has also taught us to be modest & humble. I remember, as a kid, we used to say "gai humari mata hai, humko kuchh nahi aata hai". It is still the same story.

Chacha: Nehru has occupied this position for a long time & Indians don’t rock the family boat. So, Nehru remains the Chacha.

Tau: I would go for Sardar Patel, simply because he was older than Nehru & Nehru is the Chacha. But at a time when the Jats are not in the best of moods, let us opt for the original Tau of indian politics – Devi Lal. Isn't a Jat being the Rashtra Tau a far greater honour than anything else? We can now hope that the Jats will forget about reservations for a few years. And that the railways will be able to peacefully move men and goods around.

Mausi: If Cow is the mother, shouldn’t Buffalo be the maternal aunt? After all, gai-bhais are always spoken as a pair. Buffaloes, though not revered as the cows, have been an equally integral part of agrarian life. And Mausis have always been an integral part of the family lore. Even Sholay, the first celebration of male bonding, had a Mausi playing a pivotal role in the movie.

Mama: Now this is the most difficult position. Who should be the role model, Shakuni or Kans? But we are selecting a national icon & Kans is definitely not a role model. My vote goes to Digvijay Singh, being the mentor of Rahul Gandhi in his (so far) failed political journey. For all the good intentions backing the wrong horse, shouldn’t this be the only criterion to emulate Shakuni mama? Diggy Raja wins hands down.

Bua: Umpteen no. of movies (the David Dhawan-Govinda ones are recalled immediately) have had a spinster Bua in a key role, who is wooed by the father/uncle of her nephew’s/neice’s love interest. Reminds you of Jayalalitha? Same here, and so it is her as our Rashtra Bua. Whether in prison, or out of it, she is the most sought after neta by the political backroom boys in Delhi.

Didi: This is a no-contest with Mamata Banerjee the only claimant. (If you do not find an image here, you can very well guess why!)

Bhaiya: Only a UPwala can fill this position for obvious reasons! We can consider the Biharis too, but the greatest of them (Laloo Prasad) will never be accepted by the proposed Rashtra Mata & Rashtra Mausi. Since beginning, every street level wannabe politician in UP has aspired to be the CM & every state level neta has considered himself to be a potential PM. A difficult choice, this one, as every UPwala thinks he is a political strategist. But I have the solution! As a national icon, who can match the Chhora Ganga Kinarewala? Even the most bhaiya of bhaiyas would agree.

Beta: Another no brainer. The one who has managed to stay a youth icon even deep into his middle age, the one who is (Congress’s) hope for the future, the one who is still feeling his steps in the world… Can there be any other National Kid?

Beti: Left out because our nation/society/tradition does not love, respect or care for our daughters.

Which completes our Rashtra Parivar, as far as I am concerned. But these are only suggestions from my side. For, I am a nobody & believe our netas are better suited for the job. I am sure, amidst all the walk-outs & sit-ins in the parliament, they will manage to find time for this job in national interest.

Picture credits:

Father (https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f3/Mohandas_K._Gandhi,_portrait.jpg)

Mother (http://www.gettyimages.in/detail/video/woman-feeding-fodder-to-her-cow-faridabad-haryana-stock-video-footage/157296191)

Chacha (http://acurator.com/blog/Karsh_Nehru_Jawaharlal_01.jpg)

Tau (https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d0/Chaudhary_Devi_Lal.jpg)

Mausi (http://www.hindustantimes.com/rf/image_size_640x362/HT/p1/2013/08/08/Incoming/Pictures/1105281_Wallpaper1.jpg)

Mama (http://static.indianexpress.com/m-images/M_Id_385152_Digvijay_.jpg)

Bua (http://s2.firstpost.in/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/jayalalithaa1AFP.gif)

Bhaiya (https://mrandmrs55.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/amitabh-bachchan-don-2.jpg)

Beta (http://media.indiatimes.in/media/content/2015/Nov/rahul-gandhi-in-bengaluru_5457bca4-9445-11e5-b13b-1ee01ddf34ff_1448604291.jpg)

Post-Delhi 2015: The Road Ahead

The Delhi assembly elections are a watershed not only for the margin of victory, but also the innovative politics of the political novice - AAP. With elections looming in Bihar & UP, and later other states too, the netas need to clearly chalk out their action plan. Here are my suggestions, which they are free to accept or reject:

BJP - They engineered riots in Trilokpuri & expected electoral bounty as elsewhere. But the dividend they received was beyond their (or anyone's) wildest imagination. But course correction is not what I would advise. The next elections are in UP & Bihar, both states being as different from Delhi as Aloo Paratha from Undhiyu. Also, if you restrain Adityanath or Sakshi Maharaj from the playing fields outside, they would play mischief inside the party. I am sure Modi-Shah combine may not have forgotten his boast of being able to make/break governments. So what if the bhakts go on a production spree to meet Sakshi's 4-child criterion, it would only add to BJP's future votes! And hey, pls withdraw Sambit Patra from TV appearances. He not only turns away the loyal BJP voters, but also makes the Congressmen sound polite & humble.

Congress - Its good times ahead for the Congress, as it can't get any worse for them. Having achieved the magical figure of Zero, they are spared the ignominy of being harmless spectators inside the assembly too. But its still a long time before they can sing the old Thums Up jingle - Happy Days are Here Again. With BJP appropriating the freedom fighters associated with Congress (which freedom fighter wasn't one?), it should now aim to be the flagbearer of ancient Indian civilisation (and strike BJP where it hurts most). Wasn't Zero, the Congress score, invented in ancient India? In Sonia, they actually have the perfect Gandhari, blinded by her love for her son (and son-in-law). Only that Rahul appears unfit to be Duryodhan even.

AAP - From Giant Killers to Also Ran's to Giant Killers again, all in a matter of <15 months! For the youngest kid on the political block it has been a fairy tale roller coaster. (Mixing metaphors I may be, but it is nothing compared to the concoction they served the electorate.) Having decimated BJP & exterminated Congress in Delhi, they have set their sights on UP/Bihar to weild the Jhadu against Maya, Mulayam, Laloo, Nitish & everyone else. But I say, desist. As a supporter of AAP, while not bothering about "How", I am concerned about "How Many" of their promises will they fulfill. Anything less than 10% of promises made (they have made so many!) & Kejriwal may very well snatch the sobriquet of "Fenku" too. Would it really be Modi's loss?

JDU+RJD - Biharis know their politics, having little else to do back in Bihar, and I shall not contest the calculations made by these luminaries of heartland politics. If one can gobble up the cattlefeed, digest it & get back on one's feet, he sure has guts that are everyone's envy in addition to a skin thick enough to withstand the curses of the Gaiya Maiya's. However, I am sceptical of the alliance lasting long enough. Nitish thought he could do a Rabri with Manjhi, but the turn of events should make him vary of anyone outside his own family (Laloo was smarter & Rabri not ambitious). Nitish should have been prepared for such a scenario unless he had no choice. Well, Bihar is Politics is Bihar, isn't it? So, no advice for the socialists-turned-downtrodden messiahs. Once should only learn from them!!

Samajwadi Party - Presently, its only the SP government in UP that has proved it can deliver. So what, if it was to recover Azam Khan's buffaloes. SP was also the 1st party to put its nextgen in command. All the rest were followers, but alas, it did not leverage upon its 1st mover advantage. Giving away free laptops has been its only connection with modern thought. For one, they should bring out Dimple Yadav more often, especially with Priyanka Gandhi expected to be in the forefront of the Congress & Shazia Ilmi poached by BJP. Moreover, the expected endorsement by Shri M Katju (retd. supreme court judge) of such a move would give them some sort of respectability (assuming SP really yearns for this).

BSP - There was a time when Mayawati could throw her weight about in the largest state. She legitimised Dalit politics & established it as a cast-in-stone segment, something so many Ambedkarites before her had failed in. Then she had elephant statues carved out of stone & installed all over the place as a testimony to her empire. Today, that's the only thing left behind of her legacy. With the social engineers in Bihar carving out a mahadalit category & SP likely to join hands with them, she needs to do something quickly to retain relevance in the heartland. How about donating her collection of footwear, so that no Dalit ever walks barefoot again? She has more than enough pairs to do so!

TMC - Didi appears to be one person most pleased with AAP's success. Is it because she sincerely believes it was her call to her supporters in Delhi to vote for AAP that contributed to the victory? A quick learner, she has already picked the AAP manifesto & has begun making Kolkata a WiFi city (hope it works). Her simple dressing would have made her the Aam Aurat of the East (don't forget, Anna endorsed Didi), while her contribution to the Bangladeshi migrants' welfare would have made her a perfect lieutenant to Modi in his diplomatic efforts in the neighbourhood. But Anna rediscovered his love for Kejriwal while she fell foul of Modi-Shah combine & has suffered their wrath since. The voters in Delhi heeded her call (or so she thinks) to reject those indulging in "politics of vendetta". If only the voters in Bengal are as cooperative! Its a tough task ahead of her, what with CBI under central government. Did has to put her slippers back on & hit the streets, voice rest not advisable for her. Also, forget Rabindra Sangeet & make "aaj blue hai pani pani..." the state anthem to enthuse her street fighters.

Shiv Sena - "Dost dost na raha, Bhai bhai na raha..." should be the song Uddhav Thakarey sings in the bathroom now-a-days. That's the only place he probably sings now, because at other times he is usually venting his ire against partner BJP. What was once a force to reckon with in Maharshtra, is now a spent army in its backyard of Mumbai too. With the wily Sharad Pawar cozying up to BJP, Uddhav should bury the hatchet (only figuratively) with cousin Raj & unleash the footsoldiers on the streets again. We have missed them for so long. After all, what's Mumbai without its Sena? 


Images courtesy:

http://ibnlive.in.com/news/election-cartoons-how-amit-shah-narendra-modi-will-celebrate-this-diwali/507148-37.html (BJP)

http://isamrat.com/best-rahul-gandhi-joke-you-have-heard-of-late/ (Congress)

http://lighthouseinsights.in/mufflerman-arvind-kejriwal.html/ (AAP)

http://www.ndtv.com/india-news/in-lalu-yadavs-own-constituency-no-takers-for-his-buses-as-nitish-kumars-free-bicycles-rule-536089 (JDU+RJD)

http://defenceforumindia.com/forum/politics-society/58023-azam-khans-7-buffaloes-stolen-found.html (SP)

http://www.socialism.in/index.php/mayawati-the-up-elections/ (BSP)

http://www.indiatimes.com/india/should-we-take-mamata-seriously-40587.html (TMC)