Some more gems by Biplab Kumar Deb

Biplab Kumar Deb (BKD) has been hogging the limelight ever since he settled down in office. Such that the media almost forgot we have a PM too. But the Karnataka elections entering the final stages, Mr. Modi has regained the spotlight. But, what afterwards? Will BKD jump the gun again? To help our PM stay in the headlines, I making some guesses what BKD will next say & steal his thunder. Because, there can be only one celebrity in India!!

India has a long history of social reform. Great men have worked hard to eradicate social practices that were a blot on our society. Right from the days of Dayanand Saraswati to Vinoba Bhave & later Baba Amte. But their efforts had only limited effect. Like Gandhiji, who spoke on & practiced personal hygiene but was unable to transform the society till Modiji took this up. However Akshay Kumar, inspired by Modiji,  made a movie (Toilet) on the subject & encouraged the entire country to support & practice Swachha Bharat. Earlier too, he has acted in films with social messages like Mohra & Sab Se Bada Khiladi. Akshay is a true social reformer. I am sure his next film will be on the ill effects of mobiles & social media on the young generation. 

(Modi: Abbe, aisa karega to Twitter pe mere following ka kya hoga?)

MS Dhoni is a true practitioner of science. Just consider the helicopter shot. Before the bowler lands up on his crease, MSD has delved into his mind & is aware what will be bowled. Something AI is still incapable of. Next, as the bowl is released MSD calculates its speed & trajectory to know where exactly it will land. Can the fastest supercomputer supported by an array of cameras do this as quickly? Then MSD applies the laws of physics to hit the ball over the boundary. His brain works faster than even Chacha Chaudhary’s. MSD should be nominated for the Physics Nobel Prize. 

(Modi: Chup kar yaar, mai China ko request kar ke aa raha hu ki mujhe Nobel Peace prize dilwao)

First, Adaniji built all those power plants. Then, Ambaniji reduced 4G data charges. Next, Modiji has delivered electricity to all villages. Do you realise what these great men have together achieved? This will bring about transformational changes in the society. My government will now distribute Jio sim cards through PDS outlets. The young people should now stop running after government jobs because this will solve the problem of unemployment in Tripura. They should now start selling mobile phones & set up mobile service centres in each town & each village. I hope other states also follow the example of Tripura so that our youth is gainfully employed. 

(Modi: O teri… agar sab bachche mobile bechenge to chai/pakode kaun banayega?)

While the western societies have degenerated under the influence of materialism, this has not happened to India. Because people like Asaram Bapu have shown the path of spiritualism to the masses. Spiritualism enables people to not only resist materialistic pressures but also become fearless. Consider rape, for example. Asaramji willingly raped a girl so that people could openly oppose such acts without any fear. Compare the no of rapes being reported by the media or candle light marches before Bapu was caught. While people always considered rape wrong, it is only now that people have started reporting it to the police & media has also started highlighting incidents of rape. Bapu is a saint & a social reformer who has been wrongly judged by the judiciary. 

(Modi: Oye, thoda politics bhi seekh. Asaram jail mein hi achha hai.)

After retirement, our soldiers sit on dharna at Jantar Mantar demanding higher pension. Do we netas ever do so even though many of us lose position after just 5 years? The soldiers should learn from Salman Khan. As Chulbul Pandey, he finished the mafia raj in UP. This was one of the reasons Yogiji could end SP’s goondaraj & establish Ramraj in UP. Then, as Tiger, he helped Indian intelligence services abroad. Without Tiger’s help, RAW would have been a toothless tiger. People criticize Salman for killing a blackbuck. So what, is what I ask of them. He only killed one. And the blackbuck was not immortal, it would have died sooner or later for some reason or the other. But have you considered the increase in environmental awareness created after the incident? Salmanbhai even sacrificed his Bollywood career for the sake of wildlife protection. He is a true Bharat Ratna. 

(Modi: Ye kyon nahi bataya ki Bhai ne mere sath Amdavad mein patang bhi udayi thi.)

I have said this earlier & I will say this again. Modiji is doing what no leader has ever dared to even attempt. Modiji destroyed the entire black money in the country by a simple trick of withdrawing Rs. 1000 notes. Modiji’s opposition to corruption has scared the corrupt & criminals like Vijay Mallya, Neeraj Chokshi & Dawood Ibrahim to flee India. Modiji has delivered justice to innocent people like Maya Kodnani who were victimized by Congress. Modiji has electrified all villages so that the poor can recharge their mobiles whenever they want. Looking beyond India, leaders all over the world are dying to be hugged by Modiji. Under Modiji, India will again be Sone ki Chidiya by 2024. Modiji is the Father of Modern India. 

(Modi: Tu to ek bete se bhi badh kar hai! #LoveUBips)

Pics courtesy:

MS Dhoni (https://www.firstpost.com/sports/ms-dhoni-remnant-of-golden-era-in-indian-cricket-leaves-behind-unparalleled-legacy-3188880.html)

Mohra (http://www.rediff.com/movies/report/quiz-who-was-the-original-choice-for-raveenas-role-in-mohra/20170621.htm)

Jio (https://www.jio4gplan.com/how-to-activate-reliance-jio-sim-card/)

Asaram (https://www.thehindubusinessline.com/news/asaram-bapu-2-others-convicted-in-rape-case/article23667146.ece)

Salman (https://www.ndtv.com/entertainment/salman-khans-tiger-zinda-hai-trailer-is-viral-celebs-say-film-will-be-blockbuster-1772321)

Biplab Deb (https://www.outlookindia.com/website/story/tripura-cm-biplab-deb-summoned-by-pm-modi-over-controversial-statements/311502)

Why I prefer the Auto Rickshaw...

Ever since Abhishek Mishra cancelled his Ola Cabs booking, he has become a celebrity on Twitter. Had I known the power of a tweet, I could have preempted him many times over...

• Cancelled an Ola Cabs booking because the driver was Rahul. I was afraid, if he oversped the escape velocity would take me to outer space.
• Cancelled an Ola Cabs booking because the driver was Akhilesh. I wasn’t sure if he would travel without his Bua.
• Cancelled an Ola Cabs booking because the driver was Narendra. He would have stopped at each pakoda stall on the way & I prefer samosas.
• Cancelled an Ola Cabs booking because the driver was Arvind. What if he dropped me midway & staged a dharna? (But I did apologise to him.)
• Cancelled an Ola Cabs booking because the driver was Aditya. The encounter would not have been pleasant if he turned out to be from Gorakhpur.
• Cancelled an Ola Cabs booking because the driver was Laloo. Mere paas chaara nahi tha.
• Cancelled an Ola Cabs booking because the driver was Vikas. I wasn’t sure when/if he would arrive.
• Cancelled an Ola Cabs booking because the driver was Shashi. I didn’t have enough dictionaries to decipher what he would have said.
• Cancelled an Ola Cabs booking because the driver was Biplab. I thought his GPS device would have taken us back in time.
• Cancelled an Ola Cabs booking because the driver was Salman. I hate being driven on the pavements.

I now prefer to take the humble auto rickshaw. Because, apart from the above reasons, I prefer Whatsapp!

Mera Bharat Mahan

The new Tripura CM, Biplab Deb, is in the news. I haven’t gone through the news reports but only the headlines where he claims that the internet & satellites were already there in India during the good old days of Mahabharata. While many have been ridiculing him on these claims, I do not (despite he being a neta). Maybe (as I said, I haven’t read the reports) he has given enough justification for this but the media has been selective in highlighting only one point. Maybe he hasn’t put forth any evidence which could be because he had so many other things to talk about. Whatever be the case, I have always believed what he said but was not brave enough to put it forth publicly. Now that a person of his eminence has spoken thus, I feel confident of expressing myself freely. So, here I go…

It was in the late 90’s that we woke up to a world of connected computers. Which has now ensnared mobiles & other gadgets, the reason it was called the world wide web in the first place. If you get down to the basics, the computers work on the binary system, i.e. only 2 numerals (0 & 1) drive the entire computing operation. And everyone knows India invented the Zero. Having done so, the next logical step would have been invention of the computer. And once computers were there, could the internet be far behind? (India-1, Librandus-0)

If you look back in history, technology (and innovation) has been synonymous with economic advancement. While the industrial revolution brought prosperity to Europe, post-WW2 years have belonged to US for leading scientific & technological development. The last three decades have been powered by Silicon Valley allowing US to stay atop the global pecking order. China began its revival with copy-paste manufacturing, but has since caught up with the technology leaders (e.g. Alibaba). Even our most diehard anti nationals & presstitutes would agree that India was once known as the Golden Sparrow. A time when art, culture, trade, commerce & economy flourished. It would actually be a contradiction that advanced technology was absent in the India of those times. (India-2, Librandus -0)

The technology behind rockets that deliver satellites into space & the missiles that rain on Iraq & Syria is the same. Those of you who have watched the landmark teleserials, Ramayana & Mahabharata, would be aware that India of those times had the most amazing & diverse range of missiles. It is thus logical that our ancestors were in a position to send a communication device into outer space on a projectile? (India-3, Librandus -0)

Except for Zero, an envious western world has always denied India the rightful credit for a host of discoveries & inventions. Take the aircraft, for example. The world has been brainwashed to believe that the Wright brothers made the first successful manned flight, while Leonardo Da Vinci had the drawings ready for a helicopter concept. So, what about the Pushpak Vimana which carried Rama & family back to Ayodhya after vanquishing Ravana? This is a well-documented fact but the disbelievers simply refuse to be convinced. Which is quite stupid, because these communists weren’t witness to the Wright brothers flying. (India-4, Librandus -0)

Many of us are too enamoured of the West, overlooking our own achievements. It took an apple to fall on Newton’s head for them to discover gravity, something which has been around since the beginning of time. Even today, there is a significantly large no. of people in the White World who believe that the earth is flat despite their own spacemen coming back with 1^st hand evidence. On the other hand, our forefathers knew this fact centuries ago despite never having ventured into outer space (not including the one instance when Hanuman swallowed the Sun). (India-5, Librandus -0)

Of course, the world does acknowledge the existence of Harappa & Mohandojaro, the planned urban habitats that existed when the living condition of the westerners could be described as, at best, barbarian. But these could not survive the onslaught of nature & perished. So did a lot of our ancient knowledge, primarily because the knowledge was passed to subsequent generations orally. Most grown-ups would not remember the table of 17 or the basic trigonometric formulae, assuming they memorized these while in school. But our ancestors not only memorized large texts (Vedas & the rest) but also made the kids learn these without any writing aids. Obviously, brains which stored & processed such huge data would be capable of achieving what the modern man cannot even dream of. (India-6, Librandus -0)

We should also appreciate that Mr. Deb was speaking about the Internet (something he uses daily) & the Satellite (something he knows something about). On the other hand, there are some eminent netas who would not be able to speak even three sentences on scientific terms (like Escape Velocity) they freely use in their speeches. (Biplab Deb-3, Librandus-0)

This is a good enough score for the antinational brigade to pack up their bags & retire. I know they would not, but they can at least stop ridiculing Mr. Deb. At least he has not, unlike some of his colleagues, raped kids or shielded rapists (yet).

Pic Courtesy: http://www.kidsgen.com/fables_and_fairytales/indian_mythology_stories/hanuman.htm

The Games They Play

The last few weeks have been memorable for Indian sports.

And not just because of the Commonwealth Games where we secured the highest no. of medals ever. It began in China, who has been needling us militarily & suffocating us economically, in the Davis Cup. Tennis is one sport in which India trumps China every time. For the Davis Cup tie this time they hosted us at Tainjin where it gets really cold. The chill helped them go up 2-0 on Day-1. On the 2^nd day, Paes & Bopanna paired up to reduce the deficit & the two games on the 3^rd day went on our favour too. Now, Paes & Bopanna have been loath to team up to represent India in multi-nation events. But they buried the old animosity this time to emerge victorious. Reminded me of the leaders of SP & BSP who, forgetting historical events, now share a Bua-Bhatija relationship.

The we had the Table Tennis players who put up a stupendous show, the ten member team winning 8 medals (including both the team Golds). The surprise run began with the girls dethroning Singapore in the finals. The undisputed star was Manika Batra who, nails painted in the tricolor, won 4 medals (in each of the event she entered). Reminded me of BJP whose testosterone fueled nationalism demolished most national & regional parties in the last general elections & most of the state elections since.

Hockey is considered our national game, not because it originated here but because this was the lone sport where we excelled since pre-independence days. Since the last many years, it has been on a steady decline. At Gold Coast, we topped the pool to reach the semis where we ended up losing the Bronze medal tie to England who we defeated in the group stage. Reminded me of Rahul Gandhi, whose rallies draw huge crowds but, post-results, he inevitably ends up on the losing side.

Wrestling has been our strong point at the CWG’s. This edition was also no different. The 12-member team returned with 12 medals (5 Golds, 3 Silvers, 4 Bronzes). It seems the akhada-trained strong men (and women) simply could not lose. Reminded me of Mukhtar Ansari (and many others), the mafia don turned neta who has been winning UP assembly elections for more than 20 years now.

India hasn’t done well in Squash traditionally unlike our “friends” across the western border. But Dipika Pallikal & Joshna Chinappa have put up some notable performances in the past. At Gold Coast, their pair reached the finals & ended up with a Silver. A creditable achievement in itself, all though could think (and crib) about was some refereeing errors. Reminded me of Mamata Banerjee.

India has a long history of success in Badminton. Prakash Padukone winning the All England way back in 1980. For the past some years now, it’s the girls who have kept the flag flying high in the sport. Saina won the Gold in 2010 (18 years after Syed Modi last did so) but missed the last edition. During this period she saw Sindhu hogging the limelight & glory. But Saina came back to defeat Sindhu & secure the gold medal this time. Reminded me of the communists which regained power in Kerala after losing it everywhere else (in India & the world).

These splendid two sporting weeks for the Indian sports fan have ended. And reminded me of our netas who have, during this period, spoken about nothing else but Kathua & Unnao rape cases.

Pic courtesy: http://indianexpress.com/article/sports/commonwealth-games/commonwealth-games-2018-opening-ceremony-p-v-sindhu-leads-india-to-gold-coast-5123385/ 

Satte Pe Satta of a Marathon

This year’s Vadodara International Marathon (VIM 2018) somehow made me recall the great hindi film – Satte Pe Satta. I find a lot of similarities between the two. Here are 7 (to keep up with the theme) of these:

1. This is a fun love story. The love story begins with a slap. But Amitabh Bachchan is besotted & gets into hot pursuit mode. AB (as Ravi) woos the lady with fruits, then flowers, feigning injury next & finally succeeds (in classic Bollywood fashion) over the course of a song. Over the years, VIM has also gone through these stages:

The slap: In 2013, I walked off after the start for two reasons: the start was much delayed (for the aspiring PM-cum-Chief Guest arrived late & gave a long speech), and there was no way of getting out except after being flagged off!! (This blog didn’t exist then, so no account here)

The Fruit & Flowers: The next time, the start was again delayed (for the CM-cum-Chief Guest arrived late but gave a shorter speech this time) but not as much.

The Deception: Last year, they started on time but there still was much scope for improvement.

The Song: VIM 2018, when the organisers decided 7^th Jan 2018 will be that “ek din” when “pyar ho jayega”.

2. While AB is the undisputed lead, the film is about 7 brothers who live a life of their own. On their own terms. Close to, but away from civilization. Coming to Akshar Chowk, it seemed as if there was some Occupy OP Road going on. But realized soon enough these were the 10K runners. They were in groups, chatting & having fun amongst themselves. Just like our 7 brothers in the film, but a few thousands in number. It seemed as if they would break into the song any time: Zindagi bhaag ke bitayenge, Sab ko sath mein bhagayenge, Hum to marathoners hain, Zindagi run-geen banayenge... If you think this is outlandish, imagine a couple of grown-up men going to a bar & asking for milk. This particular scene is more in the line of a Johny Lever, but the brothers make it look very natural.

3. An unconventional Hema Malini is the female lead, though it may appear that she is more of a supporting cast (to the 7 brothers). I particularly admire her role in this film. She takes on the men & emerges victorious each time. She has portrayed a strong, independent woman in other films too, notably Sita aur Gita & Sholay, but here she displays the conventional feminine traits too. Coming back to the film, she would never have believed that a place such as the brothers’ dwelling could ever exist. But she is up to it. Starting at one end, task by task, she totally transforms the disorderly house into a spick & span home. Pulling off an event of magnitude such as VIM requires equally meticulous planning & attention to details. This time they succeeded – from route selection to on route provisions & volunteering. Just like Hema makes her brothers-in-law take a bath (after having washed their clothes)!!

4. If the eldest one gets his lady love, can the rest be denied the same? No way, and they soon bump into a group of lovely ladies who are brought into the house (actually kidnapped). They are 6 in number, one for each of the remaining brothers. VIM 2018 too had something for everyone. Apart from the timed runs (42K, 21K & 10K), they had the mandatory 5K fun run, a costume run, a separate category for NRI’s (who happen to be in town this time of the year) & also one for the physically challenged. I suspect the VIM organisers were also impressed by Satte Pe Satta, where a wheelchair-confined Ranjeeta was the leader of the gang of girls!! Except that it should be called Satte pe Satte pe Satta for having these 7 categories in the 7^th edition held on 7^th January.

5. If you think this movie was all fun & love, you are wrong. It also had a health-related message for the viewers – “daru peene se liver kharaab hota hai”. And this message was reinforced multiple times in a short sequence. VIM too had a social objective – Swachhata (cleanliness). Hope Baroda turns up in the top-3 cleanest cities soon!

6. Bollywood has always believed in the Wodehouse dictum, “unto each life, some rain must fall”. Thus, no bollywood film is complete without the mandatory bad man. Satte pe Sata was no different, but here we got a villain with a heart of gold, aka Babu (AB in a double role). He walks out of jail & is contracted by Amjad Khan for another assignment – to kill his niece, Ranjeeta. A professional to the core, he quickly assumes the hero’s identity to get close to his target. VIM too had its share of mishaps. Like the refusal of the volunteers to provide ORS to the slower HM runners. But to keep it for the FMers come later when the sun is truly up & its warmer. Thus, they had the best interests of the FM runners in mind while doing so & were not really the bad guys. Like Babu, who did not take advantage of the lady, despite being in a position to do so.

7. Essentially, I feel the film was about transformation. An unkempt, ruffianish Ravi into a suave gentleman who can romance a girl. A tyrant eldest brother who begins to admit his mistakes (he appears to be genuinely sorry for having lied to Hema abt his family/household & the girls for having kidnapped them). A no-nonsense, disciplinarian Hema Malini into a caring wife & sister-in-law. The wild brothers into civilized men. So has the VIM improved year by year into what turned out to be a blockbuster event this year. And just like Ravi’s friend in the film, Shekhar, I am sure most regular participants would have wondered at the end of the event, “Ye registan mein phool kaise khil gaya?”.

These similarities apart, do you know what’s my favourite scene in the movie? It is Hema Malini throwing back the fruit gifted by Amitabh Bachchan. It was a water melon (ROFL) & I was afraid it would crash on his head. It was a relief it didn’t & I knew she would soon be his!! The medal too, in honour of AB’s choice, decided to perch on this fruit.