Presenting the CM of Punjab. Oops Delhi. Sorry Punjab. No, Delhi. Actually Punjab...

Is it true? Is Arvind Kejriwal the AAP CM candidate for Punjab? Nothing could be a better news for the people of Punjab. Finally, the messiah of the mango people was making their state his home. 

But what about the people of Delhi? They would not take it kindly, being abandoned mid-course in such a way. Well, I have a way out. Rather, more than a way out…

Odd-Even: This one has the best odds as it is the easiest to implement, Chandigarh & Delhi being not too far off. This is also one which is close to AK’s heart. In fact, he will also get a chance to meet his voters/non-voters when he commutes either way.

Visiting CM: We all have seen that Delhi is too small a place for both Modi & Kejriwal. As per this option, Kejriwal will visit Delhi when Modi is on one of his foreign trips or on election campaign. Thus, we will have only one of them in town at any time which could reduce the noise levels considerably. Of course, Punjabis would feel cheated because Modi is more often out of Delhi, than in.

Raj Dharna: When a Dharna is there, can Kejriwal be far behind? Kejriwal moves to the place/state that is holding a Dharna. And stays put till another Dharna is organized. Though there is a risk here – Kejriwal may start acting as the CM when he attends Dharna in another state which would not be to the liking of his friends there (like Didi or Nitish).

Seasonal Visits: I personally prefer this one. We all know how winter affects Kejriwal and also the problems it creates in the city. So, Kejriwal can stay in Punjab during the winters & get the farmers there not to burn their agriwaste, Delhi would get so much less of winter smog. As far as the muffler is concerned, he can get to wear it in Punjab too.

CM by Holography: He can be present in both the places by having his 3D hologram projected (as Modi did during elections) where he is not. Actually, this seems to be the best option as this would enable Kejriwal to be the CM of Goa too!!

Referendum: If all/most of the above seem equally attractive, let there be a referendum in the country (or Delhi & Punjab, to begin with) to decide the best course of action. I am sure that people of both, Delhi & Punjab, will not like to lose their CM. Thus, this democratic tool appears to be the best solution. And AAP has plenty of experience, & much faith, in a referendum.

My New Year Resolutions

When in school, our teachers made us write our new year resolutions. Once done, they forgot about it, and so did we. As a result, I never fell into the trap of making & abiding by new year resolutions. Now that I have realized old age creeping up, I want to make a fresh beginning. Beginning with new year resolutions & here are mine for 2017:

Wake up early: I have always taken great pride in being a slow runner. But when even the mornings run out faster than I do, this becomes a concern. So, this is my #1 goal for the new year. And I will see to it that I do so at least 7 times in 2017. Okay, I will not count the days when I go to sleep as the sun rises; is that fine now?

Visit the ATM regularly: Ready that as twice a week. Because I always end up rushing from one ATM to the other when I am out of cash. It has taken me days to finally get into one with enough cash to last my turn. But not from next year onwards. On the appointed days, at the earmarked hour, I will be at the nearest ATM with a queue in front. Irrespective of the outcome (this turned out a pun!) for, has it not been said, Karmanye vadhikaraste Ma phaleshu kadachana…

In praise of Modi: Okay, he is the PM, the authority, the establishment. And a neta too. And, netas can’t be painted black & black. There should surely be some shade of grey & next year, I will look for one in all the netas (Modi was mentioned simply to catch your attention) in the coming year. Wish me luck, guys, for I am no Bhakt (of whatever kind).

Read, Read, Read: That is, more of printed word & less of forwarded messages on WhatsApp. And this does not also include the nanoliterature, aka tweets, whatever be its literary merit. Nor the wisdom of Encyclopedia Philosophica, popular called Facebook (you all know what stuff facebook saints fwd on WhatsApp). But it can very well be comic strips or menu card, for I need to complete at least one task.

Pick up a hobby: All work & no play makes Jack a dully boy. So, my types, who do very little of work need to pick some activity as the excuse for whiling away our time. Something like exploring the retail environment, or sending online behavioral data to data miners, analysts & e-marketers, or even redistributing unauthenticated bits of spiced up news.

You may call the last one as loitering about in the malls, being wedded to the mobile or gossiping. But isn’t it a beginning? You can always suggest something better when the next year ends. You have the whole year to think about it. But this year, I am going to wake up feeling better & resolute. And not only because bootlegging has gone further underground in Baroda.

Wishing you a great year ahead! Have Fun!! Enjoy!!!

(Pic source: http://innovationexcellence.com/blog/2016/12/08/planning-your-changes-for-2017/) 

When Viru got Basanti

Corporate trainers & consultants are, without an exception, infatuated with the film Ek Ruka Hua Faisla (ERHF). Whether it is about Communication, Negotiation or even plain Managerial Skills, no training programme is ever complete without this film, or its clippings, being shown. While I have nothing against ERHF (in fact, I like it when they show the whole film as it means less of the lecture sessions), I believe they have missed out on an equally inspiring piece of film. I am alluding to the famous scene from Sholay, where Viru makes out a case against Mausi so forcefully that she is compelled to let him marry Basanti.

Here are the lessons that we can draw from this short movie sequence:

• Pick your spot/moment well: He climbed the water tank, where he was visible to everyone & no interruptions too. There was only one voice to be heard – Viru’s.
• Make a pressing case (an interesting one too): From top of the water tank, with a bottle of partly drunk country liquor & at a risk of falling down any time, he announces his intention at the beginning itself (and you found “soocide, soocide, soocide” hilarious?). He creates a tamasha that the village loves to watch.
• Give the whole picture: When he talks about calamities (drought, epidemics, etc.) befalling the village, he is informing about potential (frightening) consequences. He presents them with options so that they make an informed decision.
• Focus on the objective: He marks out his target & the fate that awaits her (you know, “chakki peesing & peesing & peesing”), so that the well-wishing villagers can ask her to fall in line.
• Go all out for the kill: The proposal already rejected once, this is his last & only chance for a reversal. It’s all or nothing & he stakes his life for the desirable response. 

But the beauty of this film scene is that it is not just about the communication/management lessons we can extract. It also has philosophical connotations. Life is full of highs & lows. As PG Wodehouse has often reminded us, “unto each life some rain must fall”. When one is down, one has to fight (or just stick it out) till the things turn around. If not, there will be no getting up. Take Devdas, as an example. He hit the bottle & then just could not get over it. He ended up a sad, dejected, frustrated lover. (If you have watched the 3^rd hindi version starring SRK, you would have found him a totally sad, over-dejected, over-frustrated drunkard.)

But Sholay is different. Yes, Viru too needs the support of the bottle. But he does not give up. In the face of adversity he rises to the occasion. In the literal sense too, as he goes atop the highest point in the village. And gets what he wants.

Likewise for us too. We can either get demoralised upon seeing this big hill of a problem in front of us or go ahead & climb that peak. As my brother, Vikas, is doing. He is attempting to reach the summit of Mount Everest, the highest one can go. Let’s all support him on this mission.

(For details of his expedition, or if you would like to go to Everest Base Camp with him, pls visit www.openskiez.com)

Picture courtesy: http://www.news18.com/newstopics/sholay.html

When words lose their meaning

In the world of social media, a Troll is someone who pursues persons (most often, celebrities) with a different opinion (on social media sites) & posts aggressive messages to provoke or harass that person. But it also meant at different times in different places:

• A supernatural creature who often has large ears, a foul smell, and is known to take up residency under municipal bridges in the seedier parts of town (https://www.americanexpress.com/us/small-business/openforum/)
• Antisocial, quarrelsome and slow-witted creatures which make life difficult for travelers (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_troll)
• Beasts that thrived on the smell and taste of rotted flesh (http://csis.pace.edu/grendel/)
• And many more, if you go to https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/troll.

As you know, (spoken) language is ever evolving. So today if we think of a troll as an online person (often under a pseudonym or false identity), in future Narendra Modi going on about Maa-Bete ki Sarkar & Arvind Kejriwal jumping up every time Modi says/does something could also be considered as trolling. 

Now, all these definitions of troll made me think of words or names that acquire a totally different meaning or change the original meaning itself. There are many of these but I will touch upon only three.

  

Take for example, Colgate. Many years back when scooters had to be booked months in advance, you never asked for a toothpaste. Instead, it was always colgate. But over the years as other brands acquired shelf space & market share, the good old Toothpaste regained its space in the popular vocabulary. This helped Colgate to a great extent when another term with a slightly different pronunciation & a totally different meaning hit the headlines. Had it been a weaker brand, Colgate would have been forced to relaunch itself with a different name, when the previous UPA government gave us #CoalGate. The power of the brand has been proved by the fact that #CoalGate is dead & waiting to be buried, while Colgate thrives & rules the retail world.

Another example of such a power brand is Nirodh, the first widely publicized contraceptive in India. It literally means prevention or detention. Come on, you can admit you didn’t know this. I didn’t either and looked up on http://dict.hinkhoj.com/ & http://www.maxgyan.com/hindi/. One would think the meaning fits the brand to the T, but only if one has not witnessed its use as a balloon by the more mischievous ones at college/university auditoria. With increase in literacy rates, these qualified students soon made a mark in the field of politics. I think it was at behest of these bright ones that the government came out with adverts on TV to educate us of the actual name of the product & how to pronounce it correctly – Con-Dom.

While the above two were examples of brands unintentionally acquiring different meanings, there are some who acquire a name for the meaning of the word but become so powerful as to obliterate that meaning itself. Like Google, which is a play on Googol. Actually, googol means 1 followed by 100 zeroes, or what the mathematically inclined would call 10 raised to power of 100 (https://www.google.co.in/). But today, google has a totally different connotation in popular lexicon. Apart from being the brand name of a tech giant, it is also used to mean “to search”. e.g. It is ironical one has to google the real meaning of Google. During my younger days when I was into quizzing, if one was looking for an answer the easiest way out was approaching fellow quizzers. Someone was sure to know. When none did, we went to the library & searched it. But today we only need to go to google & even as one is typing it, google gets us the answers. Many fear that the likes of Google could soon make human intelligence redundant. Not really, for there are so many answers that are now ingrained in our memory. Like, ask anyone which is the highest peak in the world & the instant response would be Mount Everest.

Speaking of Mount Everest, my brother (Vikas Dimri) is attempting to climb the summit next year (April/May 2017). He has been working towards this for quite some time now. You can read about his passion, preparation & past achievements on the campaign support website (www.openskiez.com). While you are at it, pls loosen your purse strings & contribute towards the effort. 

Pics credit:

Troll (http://www.thewrap.com/study-finds-online-trolls-bad-people-offline/)

Vikas Dimri (http://www.openskiez.com/gallery.html) 

Why I do not feel there will be any riots following #Demonetization

All those predictions of riots taking place all over the country because of people standing in queues at ATMs & bank counters have still not come true. Yes, theoretically riots should have happened, for we riot for the stupidest of reasons like losing a cricket match. So, why has India been so peaceful till now? There are a few reasons for this:

The primary reason, I feel, is that we are so used to standing in queues. At most places, at all times, for all reasons. Like milk booths, railway ticket counters, cinema halls & temples/mosques/dargahs, to name a few. In fact, right from the day we join school we are taught to stand & move in queues. Which shapes us, as adults, into disciplined queueists.

There is also an economic rationale behind this. If the supply is abundant & the people are sure they will get their share, though delayed, they are willing to wait for it. As you know, we Indians never look upon this life in absolute terms. After all, this is just one of the various visits we make to earth in physical form. Thus, we find people standing in queues at temples from morning till evening as they know that god will never run out of his blessings. And this is also the reason behind the stampedes each time the kumbh mela is held. While blessing from god & water in the river are unlimited, the time to take a dip is finite. (But this has a positive spinoff too. had it not been for the chaos during the kumbh mela, so many of our bollywwod classics would never have been made.)

If you still doubt the above theory, you should go to the railway station & witness the passengers getting into reserved & unreserved compartments. If you yet remain a disbeliever, you should join the Aam Aadmi Party. You would then get to know a wild counter-theory. Hopefully (for you), that theory would also be able to explain the absence of queues while boarding the bus.

Lest you think I am not open to a different opinion & accuse me of intolerance, let me question myself. Why do all those who do not get to see a 1^st day 1^st show of a Rajinikanth release not get violent? The tickets to the show being limited & the aspirants unlimited, going by the above theory of economics, there should be bloodshed at the box office. But I can explain this too. Firstly, it is our spiritual outlook at play here. The lucky ones had better karma which rewarded them, the losers know they have no reason to crib. Secondly, this may be a case of delayed gratification but by the time they come out the 1^st show attendees are still to get over their hangover. Thus, the 2^nd show watchers feel the same high as their immediate predecessors & probably celebrate together too. No, I am not done yet. Lastly, immediately after the show, these people go to a Tasmac (if you are wondering what this is, you may visit https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TASMAC) outlet. So when they finally reach their neighbourhood, everyone knows about their achievement irrespective of the show they went to. They haven’t lost their bragging rights & that is what matters the most.

In this quest to understand our queueing behavour, I next move to psychology. What is the difference between those seeking to get inside a bus & the Rajini fans? It’s the length of the queue, stupid. In the case of a bus, only a few get left behind while most mange to squeeze in or hang on the bus. Thus, no one wants to be in the losing minority & they fight tooth & toenail to get in. (If you joined the AAP, does your counter-theory have a counter to this one?) Opposite is the case with  a film like Kabali. The stranded ones far outnumber the lucky few who manage to get in. So when people at ATM’s realize that they are not alone (or, part of a small group) when the machine runs out of cash, they just take it in their stride & move on to another ATM. A few days in succession & they no longer aim to avoid the disappointment of returning cashless, but achieve the elation of success. Moreover, they also get undisturbed time for Whatsapp & Facebook.

Now, if its India, there will always be a religious angle. Lakshmi is worshipped as the goddess of wealth. Thus, ATM’s are nothing but temples dedicated to her. I accept that religion is the cause of most, if not all, riots. There would definitely have been riots post demonetization, but the government played smartly here. I can imagine customers of one bank ransacking or destroying ATM’s of other banks if they didn’t get any cash. But the government waived off charges for using other banks’ ATM’s & all religious differences vanished. Irrespective of where you banked, each ATM was now a temple (or mosque) for you & you don’t set fire to your own place of worship. Thus, peace reigns at the temples of 21^st century India.

After economical, emotional, spiritual, psychological & religious studies, let us now make a short visit to history before I rest my case. Unlike  the rest of Asia/Africa, it was not a few good men who won the independence for us. Gandhi derived his strength from the whole lot of Indians, of every hue, from every corner. And non violence was his weapon in that war. So is the case today, we are still as peaceful. Yes, demonetization hurts. But we will get over it & life will be back to normal soon.