Let's WIN!!

Hey, your blog (now, this makes me sound so much like Arnab Goswami) has been shortlisted as a finalist at the Blogadda.com’s annual awards (WIN15) in Humor & Satire category. The jury has done its job & it is time for the readers (means you) to contribute.

All you have to do is click on this image (top of the panel on the right, above total page view count), which will take you to the blogadda awards page.

If you are accessing through a mobile, go to the bottom of the page & click on “view web version”. This will open the blog page as seen on a computer.

This is what the next page (blogadda awards) will look like. 

On the blogadda page, you will see a shot of my blog & links for Facebook & Twitter. Pls click on those too & you are through!! (See, I didn’t ask you to read the posts & saved so much of your time.)

If you like my blog, you wouldn’t mind doing this (the above). If you don’t, you can recommend this to people you detest (say, in your office) & get back at them for whatever they may have done (justly or unjustly, is what you can decide) to you.

Thanks for your support. Pls keep on coming back to check out new posts.

#GiveItUp

Because this is the flavor of the season. But isn’t Mr. Modi going in for easy (may or may not really be effective) solutions cloaked in big-sounding slogans (but this is his forte)?

Why may this not succeed to the extent Mr. Narendra Modi (and the rest of us) want? LPG is a necessary item & people who give up subsidy will still consume it. This will not diminish the role/quantum of subsidy in urban/semi-urban residential cooking. Of course, the money gained on waived subsidies can be passed on to those who need it & the initiative needs to be lauded for this honourable intention. But the government would need to import more of LPG for this which may slightly (don’t have the necessary figures, so benefit of doubt goes to the govt.) dent the forex reserves. I am sure the govt. would have worked out the costs involved in setting up distribution infrastructure for this new market opening up. It would also have worked out the additional employment this would generate, as also the additional diesel (a subsidized commodity again) that would be consumed by this new channel & the adverse impact on environment (and health) by this oil going up in smoke. Putting aside all these costs & benefits, this is one of those measures that would return benefits over a long term. Which is, people would learn to pay for what they consume.

But can the PM take this #GiveItUp scheme to the next level? Good news, he can… and it shall ensure more benefits to all (except those giving it up). It’s the electricity, stupid. The electricity supplied to our homes is also subsidized. And the govt. can gain in many ways when the well-off #GiveItUp. The govt. can supply power to the under-served areas/segments & can divert the subsidy to these areas. Most of the electricity consumed by the privileged classes is for non-essentials (think air conditioners, gadgets, appliances or simply the lights & fans left switched on). If people start using these less, there will be surplus power in the network & government simply needs to supply this to areas suffering from load shedding (no additional infra required). Having electricity means people have a longer day for productive tasks, which may lead to higher income (daily wagers can stay back later) & higher literacy levels (children/adults can study during the nights), which would mean higher employability. The power discoms are really in doldrums & need all the cash they can mop up. While the demand for power may or may not go up, the power plants (owned by PSU’s) will at least get paid for the power they generate & supply to the discoms. And yes, unlike LPG cylinders, metered electricity cannot be diverted or sold in the black market!!

But power is one thing no one wants to give up easily – be it political power, administrative power or even the residential power (prove me wrong, folks). And asking someone (especially, a voter) to do so would be disastrous for a politician (especially one who promised #AchheDin). One needs more than a 56-inch chest to do so!

(Image credit: http://zeenews.india.com/news/videos/top-stories/people-should-give-up-lpg-subsidy-pm-narendra-modi_1568634.html)

Post-Delhi 2015: The Road Ahead

The Delhi assembly elections are a watershed not only for the margin of victory, but also the innovative politics of the political novice - AAP. With elections looming in Bihar & UP, and later other states too, the netas need to clearly chalk out their action plan. Here are my suggestions, which they are free to accept or reject:

BJP - They engineered riots in Trilokpuri & expected electoral bounty as elsewhere. But the dividend they received was beyond their (or anyone's) wildest imagination. But course correction is not what I would advise. The next elections are in UP & Bihar, both states being as different from Delhi as Aloo Paratha from Undhiyu. Also, if you restrain Adityanath or Sakshi Maharaj from the playing fields outside, they would play mischief inside the party. I am sure Modi-Shah combine may not have forgotten his boast of being able to make/break governments. So what if the bhakts go on a production spree to meet Sakshi's 4-child criterion, it would only add to BJP's future votes! And hey, pls withdraw Sambit Patra from TV appearances. He not only turns away the loyal BJP voters, but also makes the Congressmen sound polite & humble.

Congress - Its good times ahead for the Congress, as it can't get any worse for them. Having achieved the magical figure of Zero, they are spared the ignominy of being harmless spectators inside the assembly too. But its still a long time before they can sing the old Thums Up jingle - Happy Days are Here Again. With BJP appropriating the freedom fighters associated with Congress (which freedom fighter wasn't one?), it should now aim to be the flagbearer of ancient Indian civilisation (and strike BJP where it hurts most). Wasn't Zero, the Congress score, invented in ancient India? In Sonia, they actually have the perfect Gandhari, blinded by her love for her son (and son-in-law). Only that Rahul appears unfit to be Duryodhan even.

AAP - From Giant Killers to Also Ran's to Giant Killers again, all in a matter of <15 months! For the youngest kid on the political block it has been a fairy tale roller coaster. (Mixing metaphors I may be, but it is nothing compared to the concoction they served the electorate.) Having decimated BJP & exterminated Congress in Delhi, they have set their sights on UP/Bihar to weild the Jhadu against Maya, Mulayam, Laloo, Nitish & everyone else. But I say, desist. As a supporter of AAP, while not bothering about "How", I am concerned about "How Many" of their promises will they fulfill. Anything less than 10% of promises made (they have made so many!) & Kejriwal may very well snatch the sobriquet of "Fenku" too. Would it really be Modi's loss?

JDU+RJD - Biharis know their politics, having little else to do back in Bihar, and I shall not contest the calculations made by these luminaries of heartland politics. If one can gobble up the cattlefeed, digest it & get back on one's feet, he sure has guts that are everyone's envy in addition to a skin thick enough to withstand the curses of the Gaiya Maiya's. However, I am sceptical of the alliance lasting long enough. Nitish thought he could do a Rabri with Manjhi, but the turn of events should make him vary of anyone outside his own family (Laloo was smarter & Rabri not ambitious). Nitish should have been prepared for such a scenario unless he had no choice. Well, Bihar is Politics is Bihar, isn't it? So, no advice for the socialists-turned-downtrodden messiahs. Once should only learn from them!!

Samajwadi Party - Presently, its only the SP government in UP that has proved it can deliver. So what, if it was to recover Azam Khan's buffaloes. SP was also the 1st party to put its nextgen in command. All the rest were followers, but alas, it did not leverage upon its 1st mover advantage. Giving away free laptops has been its only connection with modern thought. For one, they should bring out Dimple Yadav more often, especially with Priyanka Gandhi expected to be in the forefront of the Congress & Shazia Ilmi poached by BJP. Moreover, the expected endorsement by Shri M Katju (retd. supreme court judge) of such a move would give them some sort of respectability (assuming SP really yearns for this).

BSP - There was a time when Mayawati could throw her weight about in the largest state. She legitimised Dalit politics & established it as a cast-in-stone segment, something so many Ambedkarites before her had failed in. Then she had elephant statues carved out of stone & installed all over the place as a testimony to her empire. Today, that's the only thing left behind of her legacy. With the social engineers in Bihar carving out a mahadalit category & SP likely to join hands with them, she needs to do something quickly to retain relevance in the heartland. How about donating her collection of footwear, so that no Dalit ever walks barefoot again? She has more than enough pairs to do so!

TMC - Didi appears to be one person most pleased with AAP's success. Is it because she sincerely believes it was her call to her supporters in Delhi to vote for AAP that contributed to the victory? A quick learner, she has already picked the AAP manifesto & has begun making Kolkata a WiFi city (hope it works). Her simple dressing would have made her the Aam Aurat of the East (don't forget, Anna endorsed Didi), while her contribution to the Bangladeshi migrants' welfare would have made her a perfect lieutenant to Modi in his diplomatic efforts in the neighbourhood. But Anna rediscovered his love for Kejriwal while she fell foul of Modi-Shah combine & has suffered their wrath since. The voters in Delhi heeded her call (or so she thinks) to reject those indulging in "politics of vendetta". If only the voters in Bengal are as cooperative! Its a tough task ahead of her, what with CBI under central government. Did has to put her slippers back on & hit the streets, voice rest not advisable for her. Also, forget Rabindra Sangeet & make "aaj blue hai pani pani..." the state anthem to enthuse her street fighters.

Shiv Sena - "Dost dost na raha, Bhai bhai na raha..." should be the song Uddhav Thakarey sings in the bathroom now-a-days. That's the only place he probably sings now, because at other times he is usually venting his ire against partner BJP. What was once a force to reckon with in Maharshtra, is now a spent army in its backyard of Mumbai too. With the wily Sharad Pawar cozying up to BJP, Uddhav should bury the hatchet (only figuratively) with cousin Raj & unleash the footsoldiers on the streets again. We have missed them for so long. After all, what's Mumbai without its Sena? 


Images courtesy:

http://ibnlive.in.com/news/election-cartoons-how-amit-shah-narendra-modi-will-celebrate-this-diwali/507148-37.html (BJP)

http://isamrat.com/best-rahul-gandhi-joke-you-have-heard-of-late/ (Congress)

http://lighthouseinsights.in/mufflerman-arvind-kejriwal.html/ (AAP)

http://www.ndtv.com/india-news/in-lalu-yadavs-own-constituency-no-takers-for-his-buses-as-nitish-kumars-free-bicycles-rule-536089 (JDU+RJD)

http://defenceforumindia.com/forum/politics-society/58023-azam-khans-7-buffaloes-stolen-found.html (SP)

http://www.socialism.in/index.php/mayawati-the-up-elections/ (BSP)

http://www.indiatimes.com/india/should-we-take-mamata-seriously-40587.html (TMC)

Or do you prefer one of these Ghar Wapsi's?

This post is not about the much publicized programme of the very vocal & emboldened Sangh parivar outfits. This is just a year-beginning (too late for a year-ending one) list of those illustrious candidates (in no particular order) who want to have, or those some want to see having, or those have been successful in, their own Ghar Wapsi. So, here I go…

Narendra Modi – The sarcastic opposition parliamentarians were clamouring for his Ghar Wapsi from a longish stint of diplomatic duty & election campaigns. He did, yet they were unable to hear him speak what they wanted to hear. Tough luck, said an even more sarcastic Jashodaben.

Anna Hazare – His was the most dramatic return to base. After firing up an entire nation’s imagination, he went back to Ralegan Siddhi once his lieutenant’s political ambitions outgrew the movement. When he conquered Delhi’s maidan & the streets elsewhere, who would have imagined that 2 years later he would not even make it to the inner pages of newspapers?

Dutee Chand – She was a champion athlete in making. But he had to withdraw from competition owing to excess of androgens in her system. Now he has been cleared & she is gearing up to be back on track, literally. Hope she celebrates her Ghar Wapsi with plenty of medals for herself & India, and muck for her detractors.

Arvind Kejriwal – Whether the Delhi electorate wishes it or not, AK has decided for himself that Ghar Wapsi is the only option left open after the drubbing at Varanasi. As a sympathizer & supporter one can only wish, whatever be the outcome, we don’t end up discussing the rent he pays for the Ghar. And of course, a healthy, cold-free, cough-free Wapsi.

Sanjay Dutt – The frequency with which he has been in & out of Yerawada, it is not just his family but fellow inmates too who keep looking forward to his Ghar Wapsi. One can’t fault Sanju baba though, it’s a homecoming for him in either direction.

Team India – The losses that the men in blue have piled up in overseas contests piling up, the fans have given up on them delivering “ache din”. BCCI has to anchor Team India in India by having a longer IPL because that’s the only time our stars shine.

Azam Khan’s Buffaloes – The entire UP Police turned out in strength to ensure the Ghar Wapsi of these VIP Quadrupeds. Maneka Gandhi would have been proud of our Men in Khaki, had they not been under the orders of a rival political party. Last heard, the ASEAN countries have requested a contingent of UP Police to be permanently stationed there for recovery of missing aircrafts.

Congress – The party of the babalog won’t be able to emulate the fairy tale of Azam Khan’s buffaloes. The party of freedom fighters is now a party of the sons & daughters, nephews & nieces, sons-in law & daughters-in-law of the sons & daughters, nephews & nieces, sons-in law & daughters-in-law of the freedom fighters. And they have a long wait ahead of them before their own Dada/Dadi/Nana/Nani ke Ghar (aka Parliament) Wapsi.

Mallika Sherawat – If she is still in Hollywood, what’s she doing there? Now that even Ms. Leone (of all people) has started wearing clothes in her movies, its time Ms. MS made a Ghar Wapsi & reclaim the turf that was originally hers!

The Janta Party offshoots – With BJP occupying the right of antics & centre of politics and the left front left behind in the polls, the various left-of-centre, centre-of-left & left-out-of-centre netas who migrated to politics of caste, religion, language, region & what not, have planned a grand Ghar Wapsi & revive the grandeur of the original Janta Party. Relevance may or may not matter in Indian politics, but will it be back to the front for this born again Front?

MS Dhoni – He ended the year with a helicopter shot of an announcement. The Man with a mane turned Captain Cool will now focus only on ODI’s & T-20’s. Not technically a Ghar Wapsi, it is more of a Vidai from the longer formats.

Now, this is a cue for another year-end list – of the vidai’s we long for. But I will keep it for next year! Return to check it out.

Wishing you lots of fun in 2015!!!

Images courtesy  http://www.frontline.in/, http://www.livemint.com/, http://static.ibnlive.in.com/, http://www.niticentral.com/, http://www.youngisthan.in/, http://img.niticentral.com/ & others

Luis Suarez - A Carnivore on the Prowl

This is not the first time a sportsperson has bitten another. This is also not the first time that Luis Suarez (@luis16suarez) has done so. But this is the first time that Suarez dug his teeth into a rival footballer at the biggest stage - the FIFA World Cup. 







Though the referee didn't take any action, this was definitely not a love bite.

Here's what they have been saying about it on Twitter, Facebook & Whatsapp:

Sahil Kothadia - Suarez could not resist the handsome Italian...    
(Should the players take the field wearing a face mask to avoid Suarez's attention?)

Sidd Gandhi If you can't beat them, bite them 
(but, didn't they beat Italy?)

Perseus Contractor - Mike Tyson sues Luis Suarez...... That act was under copyright.... 
(Suarez should be moving to China now!)

BP Singh - Good that incident didn't happen in India otherwise Suarez would have been arrested under Article 377 (homosexual misconduct)!

(Now, you know why I didn't mention India, along with China, above)

The food industry marketers, for obvious reasons, loved this moment & were instantly on the job!

Matt Hamilton ‏@hamiltonboxing - If Snickers don't reach out & sign Luis Suarez up for one of those "you're not yourself when you're hungry" ads, they're failing
(Will Snickers rise to the challenge?)

Talati Ajaj ‏@ProTechtEdLife - #Saurez was so hungry before the match but his coach didn't gave him food to eat so finally he did this.

Saurabh Pai ‏@saurabhpai - When footballers retire they hang up their boots. When Suarez retires he will stop sharpening his teeth.

Arif ‏@ArifakaHarry - Liverpool Fans n Modi Bhakts r going through da same phase now. Both da Fan groups r hurt but still acting Normal.

(Now, this guy has a severe case of Modiphobia)

Nishant ‏@nishantafc - Suarez has taken the concept of a "dangerous striker" to a new level,enough is enough vampire needs to ban before he strike again.

(Does he mean FIFA is a vampire?)

Drunk Buddha ‏@buddhainabar - BREAKING: Mike Tyson accepts Suarez's friend request!

(But so natural!!)

Faizan M SirwaL ‏@FreddieFaizan - #COLOMBIA players to wear garlic necklace in next match to ward off Suarez.

(This should be made the standard wear in EPL too!)

Liar MPs ‏@LiarMPs - Liverpool Echo headline: 'Italian defender viciously shoulder butts King Suarez in the teeth'

Ali Raza ‏@AliRazarizvi34 - I am convinced we need Brad Pitt to step up and save football from this zombie

(I am not, but our Rajinikanth would be a better bet)

Russell Brand ‏@rustyrockets - Suarez! Your teeth are already prominent, stop biting people! It's like @GaryLineker attacking people with his ears.

@AlAgnostic - @FootballFunnys ironically, "Chiellini" in Arabic means "eat me". that means Chiellini was asking for it.

(Footballers should adopt a safe nickname to avoid such risks)

And a couple from @FootballFunnys :
Luis Suarez must like his Italian food. 
Luis Suarez has done a Luis Suarez! Another bite!

Squawka Football ‏@Squawka  

Luis Suarez, with another bad case of toothache. #ITA #URU

(Were the lady in the TV commercial to ask Suarez, "Kya aapke toothpaste mein namak hai?", the whole of Italy would respond "Noooo!!!")

@Almoj_alazra8 not only observed that this was a hat trick of bites, but also put it on record in a single frame. 

(Luis Suarez is a bad boy. And a habitual offender.)

Crime & Punishment: The football fans (apart from those at Anfield) love Suarez for his skills & would like to restrain this trait of his. Some of these (not the ones at Anfield, obviously) fans, probably primary school teachers, came up with excellent ideas to punish (and restrain) Suarez.

D.K. Williams ‏@BlueCarp  - Luis Suarez should have to box Mike Tyson as punishment.

(It may end up being a biting match, rather than a boxing match)

Kishore ‏@ChotaSamosa - If Suarez was from Arab country, as a punishment they would have remove all his 32 teeth 

(The Arab players, going by this, should be the best behaved players!)

There were others too who were looking at possible ways to curb this instinct of an otherwise wonderful player. @FootballFunnys  came up with this solution (on the right).

And Sied van Riel (‏@SiedVanRiel)  knew just the perfect way to prevent a recurrence! (see the pic below)

And finally, an appeal for Suarez. Hope, at least this works...